27/12/24
It's a good time and a bad time. I'm autistic and suddenly there's no routine, so I have restless sleep, nightmares and flashbacks. But I like the peace and quiet and the potential writing time, although I'm spending too much of it not writing.
Last night I wasn't sleeping, so this morning I was asleep on the sofa, not writing.
I had a fantastic and very simple Christmas, mainly doing a jigsaw puzzle and watching films, which was all I wanted. I also enjoyed Mass and Christmas Dinner. I had no alcohol and very little by way of goodies, but enough to keep me content. I don't need much for Christmas, just having a roof over my head, warmth, food and tea, made it very special. I enjoyed a good walk on Christmas Day and so many people were out, there were loads of people to exchange greetings with.
30/12/24
I didn't sleep well last night, again the lack of normal routine got to me a bit, I was having flashbacks about the man who left me on the streets of Limerick and then I was having bad dreams about him. It hurts me eternally that he illegally intercepted and accessed my medical and personal information and then tried to make me out to be nuts after leaving me homeless.
So I'm tired today but today we are almost back to normal, with the usual long day in Limerick, we got to Limerick in the dark with the Christmas lights still shining, and this normality really helped me. I stood on Sarsfield Bridge and looked at the Strand Apartments, which were in total darkness against a brooding heavy sky, amazing.
My next part of the routine was a bit spoiled when I got to the church and found it closed. Christmas does change things, the church usually opens early, long before 8.30 Mass, and today there is no 8.30 Mass. So I went to Arthurs Quay and did my recycling, went to the toilet, and walked down the Quay to look at the Shannon. It's good to be in Limerick again. It is different today, so quiet, especially after the pre-Christmas traffic. It felt so funny, so alien, walking up towards the station and the road so quiet, everything empty and rain-washed, the morning light against the Christmas lights.
It's a strange time. Christmas week. It can be depressing for some, and it's best to keep occupied in any way you can, jigsaw puzzles, housework, children, writing and so on.
I got two excellent books for Christmas, the Writers and Artists Yearbook 2025 and a book called 'The Organised Writer' and I've been reading 'The Organised Writer' as I needed to get my writing projects in order, and it's really helping. I have also been reading a novel called 'Call me Star Girl' which is a bit dark but interesting. I did my jigsaw puzzle and I've been watching films, but I'm still struggling a bit, mainly with trauma to do with the man who left me on the streets of Limerick and the matters surrounding that, and it triggers deeper traumas, so if you're finding things hard at this time of year, you're not alone, and remember, there are crisis hotlines, there are people a phone call away.
Don't suffer in silence. I talked to my friend as we drove into Limerick this morning, and that helped me, and then I've been into the church and talked to God. Keep communicating, this is what helps, and I'm still learning this, as an autistic and traumatised person, I'm still learning that I must reach out. My official supports don't kick in again until next week, and I think despite the bad patches, I've done very well and am doing well, it has been one of my happiest and most peaceful Christmases.
So here I am, in the ubiquitous coffee shop on O'Connell Street in Limerick, the one where the men talk and talk, and it's another thing about today, the talking men are not here, but I'm glad to have some relative normality. Tomorrow I also have some normality as I go ahead with necessary arrangements for my life, and then we go back into holiday mode until Friday, and after that, well, Christmas is over.
I hope you're doing well. Don't be alone, well, not too much. I need alone time in large chunks but I can get worse with depression and trauma when I'm alone, so I reach out, and then if I spend too much time with others, I get anxious and stressed, this is why a conventional job is hard for me, why self employment with short shifts for a variety of people is looking to be my best option.
Anyway, Happy New Year, or Peaceful New Year, whichever you'd like to take. Seek company and help if you're struggling, but find a balance, a healthy balance of time alone and time with people, it can be hard to do this in the Christmas week but it's a good idea. Get out of stressful or toxic or alcoholic social situations for your own sake, but don't fester alone.
I'll leave you with the 198 Theme Tune as I'm listening to it now, it is beautiful and life can be beautiful. Limerick is beautiful, if you don't know Limerick, come and visit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sklYzudgOPU&list=RDsklYzudgOPU&start_radio=1
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