Sad News

Yesterday I heard that someone had died. The obituary didn't say how, but it would have been by taking his life or by self-neglect as he wouldn't eat or drink a lot of the time. 

May the deceased rest in eternal peace and may his loved ones know peace and comfort. 

A year ago that person asked me to help him to take his life. 

It was a terrifying and stressful time a year ago, he'd tried to get the means to take his life, and couldn't.
Sadly although he meant it, his friends brushed it off and said 'He's always doing that, ignore him' but I couldn't, so I, with no experience of mental health teams and so on, managed to persuade them that he wouldn't speak by phone or call out to them as he was a recluse and in despair. 

Although they called out, took action, worked with him, it wasn't possible to give him a spark, a reason to want to live, but I entrusted it to them as I would be gone and they are professionals and took the matter seriously, credit to them, their human and concerned approach was appreciated. I was included as if I was a family member, both by them and by him, but while I was there he was open that he wanted to die, and nothing, not friends, not activities, nothing in his life gave him something he wanted to live for.

This is what I wrote at the time: 

https://lifeforce198.blogspot.com/2025/08/its-hard-to-know-what-to-do-when-youre.html

As a result of this and the other suicide mentioned, and my sister's suicidal behaviour when I was young, I went on to train in suicide prevention and other mental health topics, so a legacy of the recently deceased is that I can help others who are in distress. I am very glad that Limerick has two dedicated and compassionate suicide prevention teams who patrol the Shannon edges, they help many people, but a person can decide to take their life anywhere and not always with advance warning that others notice. 

God rest his soul. Sleep well, brother, I know it was so tough and you hurt so much every day and waited because you felt that was all you could do, but your friends will miss you a lot. 

I am sorry to say that I still wont always say the right thing or word things correctly, I am human, and I am struggling myself although not suicidal, as the man who left me on the streets of Limerick two years ago is doing a prolonged faux celebrity stunt run in the press which disrupts my life and work, he's been at it since March, and he's using a long dead politician who was as bad as himself as a prop for that. 

We all have mental health and a need for support, and for me this is particularly difficult as people who have abused me, including the man who left me on the streets of Limerick, used 'Mental health' as a term to try to excuse what they did to me because of my reaction, so the term still traumatises me and makes seeking help hard. But we all have mental and physical health, and in the current climate, getting help can be hard. My late friend had stopped seeking help because he didn't find help that helped, he'd stopped talking because no one heard him. 

I am fortunate in having a good boss and several friends who I can be open with about my distress, about the shock of yesterday's news, it's important to talk, so please do. 

A clumsy prose in memory:

https://castletroywords.blogspot.com/2026/08/goodnight-brother.html

Air on a G-String

Good evening. I hope you're okay. This blog isn't being written as and when I'd envisioned but never mind.

Let me tell you about my day. 

It's my day off from work and I fell out of bed sleepy after a tough week. I had an exam at 9 am and I thought I was doing fine and would be all set. It was an online exam, due last week and delayed. 

I went to set up, my laptop crashed and the other one isn't the right spec. I fought to get the laptop working and it started, and then decided to install updates. 

I was seething as I logged in in danger of losing my exam because of the time. The proctor knows me and is the most patient person in the world so he told me to stay calm, and he helped me set up.

If I'd taken the exam last week it would have been 100% but I got 85% this time. Which is better than being disqualified. Many thanks to a really good proctor who has calmed me down before.

One of my next adventures was very Limerick. I recently acquired my second ukulele but it needed re-stringing, so I was taking it to the music shop in town.

The one missing string was a G String. Limerick is crazy and so am I, so I wandered round town with my uke, asking people if they'd seen my G String.

In Limerick the reply would be 'Well 'oose 'ouse did you leave it to, you hun?' 

When I'd worn the joke out, I headed for the music shop. Left my new baby with them, became a music shop person properly, seeing as I was having an instrument repaired, and went for my shopping.

Later I went and collected the newly repaired instrument, and headed for my bus. I had no plectrum so I used my leap card and the bus queue giggled. 

'No busking on the bus' the driver told me sternly 'Not even Limerick you're a lady' 

At home, messaging with a friend, we were reminded of my survey a few years ago, where I walked round Limerick asking people if they were normal.

My friend commented that I had surely packed my sanity when I moved over from France, but Limerick had other ideas.

Coat Tail Riding

 It's been a long time since I wrote on this blog. I've been busy with work and study. 

This blog was 'suicide prevention, mental wellness and Limerick' and was sparked by poor treatment by the man who left me on the streets as he continued to interfere in my life, and the subsequent matching poor treatment by local homeless services which nearly made me give up in despair. 

The man who left me on the streets has delusions of being a celebrity or public figure and does weird stunts in the press. He did this recently and of course it triggered all the trauma. 

I spoke to someone and asked why he did this. He kind of glorifies dead people and shows off in obituaries columns which is very odd. Sometimes I think he's afraid of his own death and what might come out when he dies. 

I was thinking of him earlier. I was in Tipperary and I thought about him coming to see me, and each time, spending all his time on his phone and texting, which is rude to say the least, but certainly told me where I was on the scale of importance. 

Two years ago he left me having a breakdown from his behaviour. It's almost two years since I arrived in Limerick.

I asked someone about his faux celebrity stunts off the backs of other people, especially dead people. 

These are some reasons they came up with. 

1. Basking in reflected Glory, a psychology term for gaining status by associating yourself with admired or successful people. 
2. Virtue Signalling.
3. Name-dropping
4. coat tail riding
5. Self-promotion by association/image management/reputation building.
6. Hero-worshipping - a strange thing to do with dead people in public. 
7. Self-aggrandizement
8. Canonizing
9. Hagiography - this and the previous one really describe his games, he makes dead people into saintly people to get himself attention, his recent one was a notorious troublemaker politician and drunk driver who got his arresting garda dismissed from the force. 

Someone did a blog and touched on this. The blog isn't my work and does not describe the man who damaged me so much, but it's a spoof:

 Beyond Shannon Blog

The trauma of what this man did to me never really faded, because he refused to conclude or explain and walked away not just feeling no responsibility but still harming me by interfering in my life. Worse, his showing off indicates he thinks highly of himself and won't take responsibility for hurting me or others or treating the law as optional.

There's a darker element to the Dolores O'Riorden thing, she was sexually abused by someone who may have been high profile in Limerick, and the person was never brought to justice but apparently 'apologised' to her, you can't really apologise for sexual assaulting someone when they were a child. Abusers don't abuse just once. I am curious about why the man who harmed me so badly was fascinated with O'Riorden in her death. He makes a show of rubbing shoulders with high profile locals.

He absolutely wrecked my life. I have no idea why he decided I was a toy but I was surprisingly naive and let him take me over, steal my medical data and so on. 

God bless us everyone

 Hello you all, 

Sorry I haven't been updating life force. There's always so much going on, but I will update soon. 

In the meantime, this is beautiful and not my work or copyright. I have just finished writing The Road to Shannon (at last!) and am thinking of calling the next book 'Star by Star'. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BejL7cf9bE0&list=RDBejL7cf9bE0&start_radio=1

Let the stars in the sky
Remind us of man's compassion
Let us love till we die and
God Bless us everyone

In your heart there's a light
As bright as a star in heaven
Let it shine through the night and
God bless us everyone

Till each child is fed,
Till all men are free,
Till the world becomes a family

Star by star in the sky and
Kindness by human kindness
Light this world with your love and
God bless us everyone

Till each child is fed,
Till all men are free,
Till the world becomes a family

Let the stars in the sky
Remind us of man's compassion
Let us love till we die and
God Bless us everyone

Tipperary

 It's been a while. I'm in Tipp. 

I arrived yesterday and nothing much as moved since last time. The lorries still push through, thankfully the skins lorry hasn't been around yet. 

I found an interesting place which made me think of lifeforce198. It's some kind of support place, and it has loads of great notes in the window to inspire people. I needed such inspiration. Here is is, unfortunately my camera is a bit basic so you can't see much, but it's a great idea. Who knows who this window might help or save as they pass by. The sign with Tipperary on actually says 'Welcome to Tipperary, you have come a long way'. It reminded me of my old poem 'It's not far to Tipperary'. I think I did a blog post on here with the same name. 

Tipperary is my port in a storm, but there are elements, memories, which trouble me. The picture below is the Abbey School, with the lads playing their sports out the front. 

In the 198 Theme tune, Snow in August, there's the reprise of another song called 'Lullaby' and in the words it says 'Will you guard, will you keep, will you watch over these, my lambkins, my sweet chickadees'. 

Those little lads, tough and worldly as they pretend to be, are vulnerable youngsters, with the right to safety, innocence, such as it is in teenage boys, and to only be watched over by trusted adults with boundaries. 

Imagine the anguish of someone who knows that a guardian of such youngsters may not be trustworthy, but they can do nothing about it.

This is Lullaby https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqANnGKYEIM

And this is the 198 Theme, Snow in August. And this is what the story of 198 and Limerick has been founded on. Normally I never write things like this but I'm in a vulnerable sad place right now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-22iMl8BiI

The Pink Ukelele

 Having finished my first diamond art painting and feeling good that my motor skills didn't hold me back, I was thinking of learning cross stitch and doing more diamond art as my rest and break activities from my studies. But while waiting for an appointment in town, I found a new unused ukulele for 1 Euro. It may be child-size and pink but I decided it was for me. 

I used to have a guitar and a keyboard before my life was wiped out  decade ago. Now I have a small ukulele and I am taking up music again. Something I learned about life when I was a teenager is 'There is always more'. And so a pink ukulele became more, and I walked through town playing the ukulele and went to my appointment with it.

Pink Ukulele

There is always more, and life renews and regenerates. In 'Dreamcatcher' by Stephen King, he depicts life force as a child filling a bucket from the sea, the sea doesn't run out.

Life is tough, it doesn't always go as we hope. I've had a recent very difficult day and I'm just getting on with things. I like my ukulele lessons and refreshing my music theory. I used to study with Trinity College London but I'll be joining the RIAM. I believe now that I can play the keyboard again, my injured hand allows Ukulele, so it will probably allow keyboard.

I have started rehabilitation exercise now. It impacts your body first time, but it was a good sign that it didn't incapacitate me. Life regenerates and sometimes the new growth is better. 

Life force. power, pure joy. 

Happy Easter 2026 from Lifeforce198

Good evening, 

Easter Saturday 2026. 

Just got home from a meeting to have a break before going out to the Easter Vigil. I'd been thinking about my poem 'Monaleen Church' and as it isn't in for a competition, I reposted it on Castletroy words: 

https://castletroywords.blogspot.com/2026/04/easter-memories-repost-of-monaleen.html

I should use URL shorteners, I know. 

So, Easter 2026, a pleasant enough time, a bit like last Christmas.

I went to the Last Supper service. Then yesterday I took part in 'The Big Clean Up' which is Limerick's Unique festival of spring cleaning the town and socialising. We had good celebrations of goodies and scones and tea and more goodies, I made it home with a load of snaffled goodies in my bag. I got part of the Stations of the Cross on the way home, watched the whole of it online, and I went to the Lord's Passion service at the local church.

Easter goodies at the Big Cleanup. 

I have been very busy despite it being a holiday, major spring clean of my own things, and also everything in the wash including bed sheets. Also I've been revising, doing important paperwork and much more. 

Now I'm heading for the Easter Vigil, and thinking the weather is the same as last Easter, which was a week earlier than this one.  

Easter Sunday 2026.

The Easter Vigil was good. I went to the local church again for that. I'd come back from a meeting and I'd walked alongside the Shannon to and from the meeting, with the storm blowing the Shannon back in big waves, awesome, and I got home for a quick break, thinking Easter is a very busy time, not much rest. I enjoyed the Easter Vigil, we did have a fire, but it was a little thing, hardly visible, not like the blazing brazier at Monaleen Church. I did consider going to Monaleen church but I've been so busy, so tired, I thought I'd simply be too tired to get home so late at night. I don't tend to be out late, and coming home just after 10 last night was late enough for me.

The Shannon going a bit wild.

This morning I woke peaceful with no alarms going off. The sun was shining and it was quiet. I enjoyed a lazy start. I watched my old favourite film 'LEnfant de Noel' just to prove I can get the seasons confused. I made up dinner tubs for the week, spaghetti and tomato and sauce, and I got on with studying and paperwork, I realised I didn't really want to go over for Easter Mass at the local church so I watched the Easter Mass at my church online. Sometimes I need to slow down.

The sunshine turned to heavy showers and strong winds, but by 1 pm it was okay to bike down to get my Easter dinner, and what a dinner it was! Yummy. Turkey with mash and gravy and loads of veg, I always ask for more veg as he does really tasty veg. There was Eaton Mess for dessert, delicious, and I got the Easter Egg I wanted. I saw the lads getting Kitkat eggs and I thought 'Oh no' because Kitkat isn't my favourite. But I got a white chocolate buttons egg, I was delighted. Ah it was lovely. Biking back along the Shannon, town has been crazy because two hurling matches were back to back at TUS Gaelic Grounds and the second one was Limerick, so the traffic was manic. 

I came home, tired, full of good food, enjoyed some Easter chocolate, and the sun is out again now, although it's windy and the clouds keep moving through. Today and tomorrow are just study and paperwork and final touches to the spring clean, maybe I'll relax and rest a little.

The box is empty, the egg has risen.

On a final note, as well as enjoying Easter, I remember Passover. Passover 1st fell immediately before Maundy Thursday, on the Wednesday.

It's a strange one. My dad was a Messianic Jew, and I guess I am too. He was very orthodox about it though, he used to say 'You don't 'celebrate Passover' or say 'Happy Passover', you remember Passover, it's a solemn feast. We didn't celebrate Easter at home but we acknowledged Christ Crucified for our sins and Christ Risen.

One of my memories of my father was him singing this, his hands in the air, joyful. It's still one of my favourites: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbBOOmkMLmI

My circumstances mean I have no oven, and grilling or frying lamb for Passover, is difficult even if I could afford it, so I asked my old friend Michael, AKA God, if I could have chicken for Passover. God answered by putting diced lamb in the reduced section at the supermarket and ensuring I had time and peace to grill it. So I had my Passover meal with lamb and bitter herbs. For so many years I couldn't read the story of Exodus without crying because I would always hear my dad's voice telling the story, and this year I found a nice neutral animated film, no extra dramas like some church films, it told the whole story in a calm way. although I told the film off every time there was a short cut that missed a detail - very Jewish of me. 

So there we have it, festivals and holidays. Beautiful. Christ is Risen! Hallelujah!