Tipperary

 It's been a while. I'm in Tipp. 

I arrived yesterday and nothing much as moved since last time. The lorries still push through, thankfully the skins lorry hasn't been around yet. 

I found an interesting place which made me think of lifeforce198. It's some kind of support place, and it has loads of great notes in the window to inspire people. I needed such inspiration. Here is is, unfortunately my camera is a bit basic so you can't see much, but it's a great idea. Who knows who this window might help or save as they pass by. The sign with Tipperary on actually says 'Welcome to Tipperary, you have come a long way'. It reminded me of my old poem 'It's not far to Tipperary'. I think I did a blog post on here with the same name. 

Tipperary is my port in a storm, but there are elements, memories, which trouble me. The picture below is the Abbey School, with the lads playing their sports out the front. 

In the 198 Theme tune, Snow in August, there's the reprise of another song called 'Lullaby' and in the words it says 'Will you guard, will you keep, will you watch over these, my lambkins, my sweet chickadees'. 

Those little lads, tough and worldly as they pretend to be, are vulnerable youngsters, with the right to safety, innocence, such as it is in teenage boys, and to only be watched over by trusted adults with boundaries. 

Imagine the anguish of someone who knows that a guardian of such youngsters may not be trustworthy, but they can do nothing about it.

This is Lullaby https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqANnGKYEIM

And this is the 198 Theme, Snow in August. And this is what the story of 198 and Limerick has been founded on. Normally I never write things like this but I'm in a vulnerable sad place right now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-22iMl8BiI

The Pink Ukelele

 Having finished my first diamond art painting and feeling good that my motor skills didn't hold me back, I was thinking of learning cross stitch and doing more diamond art as my rest and break activities from my studies. But while waiting for an appointment in town, I found a new unused ukulele for 1 Euro. It may be child-size and pink but I decided it was for me. 

I used to have a guitar and a keyboard before my life was wiped out  decade ago. Now I have a small ukulele and I am taking up music again. Something I learned about life when I was a teenager is 'There is always more'. And so a pink ukulele became more, and I walked through town playing the ukulele and went to my appointment with it.

Pink Ukulele

There is always more, and life renews and regenerates. In 'Dreamcatcher' by Stephen King, he depicts life force as a child filling a bucket from the sea, the sea doesn't run out.

Life is tough, it doesn't always go as we hope. I've had a recent very difficult day and I'm just getting on with things. I like my ukulele lessons and refreshing my music theory. I used to study with Trinity College London but I'll be joining the RIAM. I believe now that I can play the keyboard again, my injured hand allows Ukulele, so it will probably allow keyboard.

I have started rehabilitation exercise now. It impacts your body first time, but it was a good sign that it didn't incapacitate me. Life regenerates and sometimes the new growth is better. 

Life force. power, pure joy. 

Happy Easter 2026 from Lifeforce198

Good evening, 

Easter Saturday 2026. 

Just got home from a meeting to have a break before going out to the Easter Vigil. I'd been thinking about my poem 'Monaleen Church' and as it isn't in for a competition, I reposted it on Castletroy words: 

https://castletroywords.blogspot.com/2026/04/easter-memories-repost-of-monaleen.html

I should use URL shorteners, I know. 

So, Easter 2026, a pleasant enough time, a bit like last Christmas.

I went to the Last Supper service. Then yesterday I took part in 'The Big Clean Up' which is Limerick's Unique festival of spring cleaning the town and socialising. We had good celebrations of goodies and scones and tea and more goodies, I made it home with a load of snaffled goodies in my bag. I got part of the Stations of the Cross on the way home, watched the whole of it online, and I went to the Lord's Passion service at the local church.

Easter goodies at the Big Cleanup. 

I have been very busy despite it being a holiday, major spring clean of my own things, and also everything in the wash including bed sheets. Also I've been revising, doing important paperwork and much more. 

Now I'm heading for the Easter Vigil, and thinking the weather is the same as last Easter, which was a week earlier than this one.  

Easter Sunday 2026.

The Easter Vigil was good. I went to the local church again for that. I'd come back from a meeting and I'd walked alongside the Shannon to and from the meeting, with the storm blowing the Shannon back in big waves, awesome, and I got home for a quick break, thinking Easter is a very busy time, not much rest. I enjoyed the Easter Vigil, we did have a fire, but it was a little thing, hardly visible, not like the blazing brazier at Monaleen Church. I did consider going to Monaleen church but I've been so busy, so tired, I thought I'd simply be too tired to get home so late at night. I don't tend to be out late, and coming home just after 10 last night was late enough for me.

The Shannon going a bit wild.

This morning I woke peaceful with no alarms going off. The sun was shining and it was quiet. I enjoyed a lazy start. I watched my old favourite film 'LEnfant de Noel' just to prove I can get the seasons confused. I made up dinner tubs for the week, spaghetti and tomato and sauce, and I got on with studying and paperwork, I realised I didn't really want to go over for Easter Mass at the local church so I watched the Easter Mass at my church online. Sometimes I need to slow down.

The sunshine turned to heavy showers and strong winds, but by 1 pm it was okay to bike down to get my Easter dinner, and what a dinner it was! Yummy. Turkey with mash and gravy and loads of veg, I always ask for more veg as he does really tasty veg. There was Eaton Mess for dessert, delicious, and I got the Easter Egg I wanted. I saw the lads getting Kitkat eggs and I thought 'Oh no' because Kitkat isn't my favourite. But I got a white chocolate buttons egg, I was delighted. Ah it was lovely. Biking back along the Shannon, town has been crazy because two hurling matches were back to back at TUS Gaelic Grounds and the second one was Limerick, so the traffic was manic. 

I came home, tired, full of good food, enjoyed some Easter chocolate, and the sun is out again now, although it's windy and the clouds keep moving through. Today and tomorrow are just study and paperwork and final touches to the spring clean, maybe I'll relax and rest a little.

The box is empty, the egg has risen.

On a final note, as well as enjoying Easter, I remember Passover. Passover 1st fell immediately before Maundy Thursday, on the Wednesday.

It's a strange one. My dad was a Messianic Jew, and I guess I am too. He was very orthodox about it though, he used to say 'You don't 'celebrate Passover' or say 'Happy Passover', you remember Passover, it's a solemn feast. We didn't celebrate Easter at home but we acknowledged Christ Crucified for our sins and Christ Risen.

One of my memories of my father was him singing this, his hands in the air, joyful. It's still one of my favourites: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbBOOmkMLmI

My circumstances mean I have no oven, and grilling or frying lamb for Passover, is difficult even if I could afford it, so I asked my old friend Michael, AKA God, if I could have chicken for Passover. God answered by putting diced lamb in the reduced section at the supermarket and ensuring I had time and peace to grill it. So I had my Passover meal with lamb and bitter herbs. For so many years I couldn't read the story of Exodus without crying because I would always hear my dad's voice telling the story, and this year I found a nice neutral animated film, no extra dramas like some church films, it told the whole story in a calm way. although I told the film off every time there was a short cut that missed a detail - very Jewish of me. 

So there we have it, festivals and holidays. Beautiful. Christ is Risen! Hallelujah! 

St Patricks Day 2026

 It was a great day. It was a great few days. 

This year I was on double duty.

Last year I marched with a group, this year I was assisting for the international bands contest and then for the main parade. 

It was a little last minute. But there it was. First thing on Sunday, headed down, didn't know what to expect. I'd walked down.

I was pleased to find that there was tea and biscuits, toilets, all the civilised things. It was a friendly meeting and then we headed to the start point. 

We stood for a long time as the bands and the rain arrived. The rain was hard and heavy and windy. The girls in short outfits and those without ponchos suffered a little. 

Eventually everyone was lined up. I was up front, shepherding a USA band, I loved the USA bands last year so it was good. We waited, a bit of rain fell, and the band behind struck up a practice, my band decided to dance to them. It was fun. 

We marched, through the streets of Limerick and had a great time. At Arthurs Quay I enjoyed the music and craic as the bands gathered and eventually I walked home. A great day.

Then yesterday, St Patricks Day, the same again but much more hectic.

I walked down again, and was there in good time. Tea and jambons and biscuits.

We headed to the barracks, and I was put on front line, checking and guiding groups, trying to keep excited children and families out of the path of cars going in and out. It was a hectic few hours. 

Then we moved to the zones of mad chaotic people, milling, shouting, playing. 

The chaos started clarifying into groups, many groups, big excited groups, and we started to move. 

A little.

We moved down towards the gate but had to wait for some time. It was rather hard trying to shepherd a lively group and keep them bouncing off the vehicles. Then we were off through town. As last year the streets were packed with people and I was hard at work keeping an eye on everyone rather than looking at the crowd, the usual high fives and so on but I was keeping an eye so no children were left behind and that they didn't get too boisterous.

I marched the route with them, I had one leg splinted and both with supports, and I was full of meds from a recent severe respiratory infection, but on top of the world and marching well. A fantastic day.

At the end, again, sinking into a bench on Arthurs Quay. Legs given out, tired. Then I walked back up, saw some of the floats as I walked, and headed for base. Base had sandwiches, nice ones, tea, toilets, a good atmosphere. 

I hung out in town for a while, enjoying the atmosphere, same as last year, but noisy teens got a bit much, and then the rain came down, and I was glad to crawl onto a nice dry bus and head home. 

At home I was totally zoned out and lazy, watched some things on the tablet, ate, did this and that, and hardly bothered with life, had an early night. 

This morning, achy, well and able, walking well, up and about as normal.

Good times, great festival. 

Sh*te, thanks for asking

 As you know, I don't advertise on blog posts but on the subject of life and suicide, I found a book, Angi Dixon's 'Sh*te, thanks for asking', on the subject of the impact of her brother's suicide. 

It's an interesting and easy to read book of reflections on the grief. I have just finished it and it goes in the parcel so that other people can read it and gain comfort and inspiration. 

That's pretty much all I have to say here, I have had a week of severe chest infection with asthma complications and had to miss a training course and my volunteer shift, so I'm not in a great mood. 

ASIST - Applied Suicide Intervention Training

 It's been a strange week. I came home from the bittersweet trip to Dublin, and prepared for the unknown, a two-day ASIST, suicide prevention course. I was nervous, as always with the unknown, I wanted to back out.

The morning the course began, I woke up to an email from the Garda who had been on the case where I was seriously assaulted, he told me that the CCTV had been retained and if I wanted to go ahead with the matter, to contact him or another Garda. This left me a bit thrown when I'd planned on leaving the house early to get to the course, but nonethless, I headed to the course. 

The first day of the course was extremely intensive, but I kept swimming. At breaktime I got an email from the hospital, 9 months after the assault, they acknowledged the matter and launched an investigation into the hospital's failings. Weirder and weirder.

By the end of the first day of the course I was exhausted and in pain. But I got through the day well and enjoyed the company of the group. Some of us sat together at lunch and chatted. 

The second day was a little less intense and I was better prepared. I had my neck brace, painkillers, soft drinks, and so on. At lunchtime I walked in the nearby nature reserve, enjoying the cold and the wind. I sat and had a light lunch there, and then joined the others in the canteen with a cup of tea.

In the afternoon we did an informal assessment, we paired off and role played a helper and a person in crisis. It went well, we'd all been nervous. 

The course is well worth it, and is offered free by HSE, the office for suicide prevention offers a range of courses on suicide and self-harm, and I'd previously done an online course which I found a bit triggering, but I didn't find ASIST triggering. We got our certificates and it was sad to say goodbye. I really liked some of the group and very much identified with some of them, and I didn't feel out of place, although I felt a bit embarrassed when I choked. If I get very tired, my muscles struggle and I choke easily.

Wow. I've learned a lot, and gained skills I needed. I'm very happy, very tired, and still startled by the hospital and garda, 9 months after the assault, both making contact the same day about investigations. What a funny week. 

Both days I walked home despite my tiredness and the distance, enjoying and needing the fresh air. 

If you want a suicide prevention course, have a look at NOSP, but not if you are suicidal:

https://www2.hse.ie/mental-health/helping-someone-else/suicide-prevention-training-programmes/

North Earl Street

 I know I've written about North Earl Street, or Norf Earl Street before, it holds a place in my heart. This was my old post as I write again about the street which was the centre of our community: 

https://lifeforce198.blogspot.com/2024/12/gerry-and-incident-in-dublin.html

I just got back to Limerick from a weekend in Dublin. Dublin 4 has become a home from home since I moved to Limerick, another strange poetic justice. 

I went to petsit, as I usually do, but a different dog this time, the two families who have dogs are friends, but the dogs are chalk and cheese, the usual dog is ADHD and is delighted to pull me to the beach as many times a day as I'll go, which I'm perfectly happy with. The other dog is more like 'Maybe I should hide in this gateway or under this bush in case people, cars, dogs, ghosts or anything scary comes along'. She's not easy to walk, but much quieter at home. 

It was good to have a break, I wouldn't call my life in Limerick easy by any stretch of the imagination although I really do have to stay here. And being in Dublin, I'm reminded that although Limerick isn't easy, Dublin can be harsh for a disabled person. The packed public transport, the antisocial behaviour...I know we have that in Limerick, but everything is harsh and wearing in Dublin, crowded smelly buses and so on. Too much stress on my body. Limerick isn't easy but is easier than Dublin. 

Dublin is still part of me though, even if I feel unable to live there. When I go back to Dublin, I go to the beach, with or without the dog, I go to North Earl Street, Henry Street and O'Connell, I see my old friends, and I go to Dun Laoghaire as well. 

I arrived in Dublin on Friday and was mainly at the house or on the beach with the dog, the usual routine, different dog. 

It was a trip tinged with sadness. Recently a bus crash where the bus missed the turn onto Marlborough and went onto North Earl Street, which is pedestrianised, killed a man who used to be a regular at the cafe where myself and my friends were regulars. I'd known him by sight but not well, but it was a great tragedy, he was a man who knew what he wanted in life and looked after himself. He was so well known at our regular cafe that they knew how to do his fry and they would get him a birthday cake. He kept a routine, walking into town from East Wall for his time at the cafe and so on. 

When I saw the news of the bus crash, I thought it was either him or another man the same age who I got on so well with when I lived in Dublin. I kind of knew it was one of ours, that's all I can say. The other man, Sean, although he's a very unwell man now, is alive and I met with him on Saturday, we talked about the bus crash and he said about being the same age as the man who died. Everyone, all of us who used to meet on North Earl Street, and so many people all around are shocked. 

I had a lazy morning on Saturday, really needed it, did brunch, watched television. In the afternoon I went into Dublin city centre. There was a rugby match at the Aviva but it didn't impede the bus really. It was funny to be back where the crowds were walking to the Aviva, like they did in the days before I left Dublin for Limerick, when I had a birds eye view of the huge crowds. 

The bus was smelly and crowded and I got off at Pearse Street and walked round to Nassau Street.

I stood where he stood, that Saturday long ago, and looked over at the empty post where I used to sit. 

'On Nassau Street, where old ghosts meet, I see him walking now...' 

I will never really understand. 

I walked on round to O'Connell and up to North Earl Street. 

I have never had a Valentine's Day in Dublin without flowers, Nor a St Brigid's Day without being given a st Brigid's cross. This Valentine's day was no exception, and so I reached North Earl Street carrying a pretty red rose and a smile. 

My old friend was standing there, and we talked, caught up on everything since last time. He gave me a tip, very handy for food, and I walked down to where the bus crash was. There was a photo of the man who died, and lots of flowers. I couldn't really keep a rose as I was heading back to Limerick today (Sunday) so put the rose there with the others, there were a number of roses alongside other flowers. I said a few quiet words and felt sad, and then I went on wandering around, until I found Sean, who looked as if he was seeing a ghost. We've only met once since I moved to Limerick. He's not a well man, he leaned on the wall and we talked for a while. He also gave me a tip. Everyone remembers how I was struggling and they still reach out, and it's something I love about the Dublin gang. I'm certainly still in abject poverty so I don't offend the gang by saying no. I hope none of you judge me that I let people help me. I'm still in a dead-end situation with trying to work out what to do for a living when I have complex disabilities and can no longer do the work I did, and my confidence is rock bottom. I'm waiting for support again to work on a career 

I decided that Sandymount Tesco would be crazy with rugby-goers by the time I got back, so I went into Dunnes on North Earl Street, and when I came out, another old friend was there, a dear old friend. We walked so they could feed the birds, we rummaged in charity shops, with their help I got a much needed new rucksack which can also be a shoulder bag or carry bag, I've been having a bag crisis and it will really help, especially as I have to take the washing to the laundry. Good news there is I found a closer laundry service as well.

Anyway, we went and had a meal. Reminisced about meals we'd had in the past, talked about memories and now and dogs and all sorts of things. It was as it always has been. It's funny, when I go back, everyone is there, things are as they were, and I will never walk through Dublin without meeting old friends. 

The words come unbidden, unscripted as I stand on North Earl Street 'I love you so very very much'. 

'Fare thee well sweet Ana Liffey'. 

So it was a great Saturday in Dublin. I got home without the rugby crowds being in the way, and enjoyed the luxury of an evening of television. As ever, I rarely see a television, so it's always a luxury on the Dublin weekends. The wind and rain howled and myself and the dog just curled up and watched films. 

I slept well there but dreamed a lot, slightly sad and complex dreams. This morning was more television and bunch, very nice. A quick walk in the rain and then time to hand over. 

When I handed house and dog back, I got the Dart down to Dun Laoghiare. Normally I have some emotion, this is my home town and I still love it, in an irritated way, but today nothing. Maybe carrying a heavy bag didn't help, I don't know. My hairdresser sometimes works Sundays and was there last time on a Sunday, but not this time, it was a shame, my friends gave me enough tips for a haircut and it's hard to get a decent haircut without a mortgage in Limerick. The Dart can be hell on weekends, but it was bearable if a bit smelly. The Dart was only running Connelly to Greystones, which may be why it was less crowded, and the Irish win at the Aviva would leave a lot of people sleeping off hangovers. 

So I did't stay long, headed back, got the Limerick bus, which was crowded and smelly, but I sat up front, enjoyed my packed lunch and kept my headphones on, and it was okay. We went in and out of heavy rain and hail, the forecast was snow, but there was no snow. So I'm home. 

I really must write the poem 'North Earl Street' and post it on Castletroy Words. 

Life isn't easy, but old friends bring joy. Life force, power, pure joy.