Sad News

Yesterday I heard that someone had died. The obituary didn't say how, but it would have been by taking his life or by self-neglect as he wouldn't eat or drink a lot of the time. 

May the deceased rest in eternal peace and may his loved ones know peace and comfort. 

A year ago that person asked me to help him to take his life. 

It was a terrifying and stressful time a year ago, he'd tried to get the means to take his life, and couldn't.
Sadly although he meant it, his friends brushed it off and said 'He's always doing that, ignore him' but I couldn't, so I, with no experience of mental health teams and so on, managed to persuade them that he wouldn't speak by phone or call out to them as he was a recluse and in despair. 

Although they called out, took action, worked with him, it wasn't possible to give him a spark, a reason to want to live, but I entrusted it to them as I would be gone and they are professionals and took the matter seriously, credit to them, their human and concerned approach was appreciated. I was included as if I was a family member, both by them and by him, but while I was there he was open that he wanted to die, and nothing, not friends, not activities, nothing in his life gave him something he wanted to live for.

This is what I wrote at the time: 

https://lifeforce198.blogspot.com/2025/08/its-hard-to-know-what-to-do-when-youre.html

As a result of this and the other suicide mentioned, and my sister's suicidal behaviour when I was young, I went on to train in suicide prevention and other mental health topics, so a legacy of the recently deceased is that I can help others who are in distress. I am very glad that Limerick has two dedicated and compassionate suicide prevention teams who patrol the Shannon edges, they help many people, but a person can decide to take their life anywhere and not always with advance warning that others notice. 

God rest his soul. Sleep well, brother, I know it was so tough and you hurt so much every day and waited because you felt that was all you could do, but your friends will miss you a lot. 

I am sorry to say that I still wont always say the right thing or word things correctly, I am human, and I am struggling myself although not suicidal, as the man who left me on the streets of Limerick two years ago is doing a prolonged faux celebrity stunt run in the press which disrupts my life and work, he's been at it since March, and he's using a long dead politician who was as bad as himself as a prop for that. 

We all have mental health and a need for support, and for me this is particularly difficult as people who have abused me, including the man who left me on the streets of Limerick, used 'Mental health' as a term to try to excuse what they did to me because of my reaction, so the term still traumatises me and makes seeking help hard. But we all have mental and physical health, and in the current climate, getting help can be hard. My late friend had stopped seeking help because he didn't find help that helped, he'd stopped talking because no one heard him. 

I am fortunate in having a good boss and several friends who I can be open with about my distress, about the shock of yesterday's news, it's important to talk, so please do. 

A clumsy prose in memory:

https://castletroywords.blogspot.com/2026/08/goodnight-brother.html

Life Force

 I hope you're settling into the new year well. 

My revolutions are going okay. I don't use any sugar in my tea. 

The other day I did my initial suicide prevention training. I have first aid first response but suicide training is equally necessary. 

You may have read my previous post. This is about the two suicidal people who I had to help.

Life Force 198: It's hard to know what to do when you're actually confronted by it

 It's good to have training and I will go on and do more training. 

When people are suicidal, it is like being in a dark tunnel with no light, no way out. People are precious, we have to look after them and support them. The most important things people need in that dark tunnel, is people with them and support. 

Support is important. It seems, after all this time and struggle, I have more support. It certainly makes a difference to me. We all need someone to turn to, a friendly face, a friendly place, a cup of tea. 

We all need to talk, to get things off our chest, however unimportant, how we don't like a new TV show, and how we don't fancy Cillian Murphy, and so on, just talking, reaching out. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to reach out but I needed to. We all need to link in with others, even if we like a lot of time alone as I do. 

As I mentioned at Christmas, I got obsessed with 'A Christmas Carol, the Musical' and I love the lines from the song 'Let us love till we die, and God Bless us, every one'. 

By the way, here's a link to great life lessons: 145 Life Lessons Everyone Needs to Learn

I'm not paid for links, it's something I found useful and agree with a number of the lessons. 

It's hard to know what to do when you're actually confronted by it

In this post I refer to a previous attempted suicide where myself and my friend intervened, on this old post: 

https://lifeforce198.blogspot.com/2024/12/gerry-and-incident-in-dublin.html

I often blog about reasons to live. This blog was originally a mental wellness and suicide prevention blog, but I have so much going on that I barely have time to come up with posts on mental wellness and quality of life.

This evening I was sitting in bed, I was tired and didn't intend to take my writing downstairs as usual, so I was sitting up watching the Addams Family and just vaguely warming up to write. I'm writing a new novel 'Empire's Survivor' if I haven't already mentioned it. Anyway my friend came into my room. Unusual but okay. He sat on my bed and told me he was suicidal. 

I'm supposed to have some training and knowledge, but in the training they teach you how to deal with suicidal strangers, bridge jumpers and so on. And as you know, I've dealt with such a scenario once and we saved her, but a friend coming to you in this state is a different matter and I was sitting with my laptop, not expecting this at all. I was totally thrown.

He told me that our other friend wouldn't help him, that he wanted a gun and our friend wouldn't bring his gun. (it turns out he no longer has a gun), anyway, he wanted me to get a gun. I talked to him about gun law and how if anyone brought him a gun they'd be arrested, and we didn't want him dead. 

He needed to talk and to be with someone, and that was fine, you know how I am, a troubled autistic person with many bad memories, so I felt at a bit of a loss here, but of course I wanted to help him. 

I asked him to talk to me. In the training you're taught to ask the person's name and introduce yourself to build a bond and make the person feel they're not alone, which didn't work with the semi-conscious suicide attempt in Dublin and would be no use with my friend. He sat on the bed and asked me if I'd get him a gun. He told me he'd asked at the gun shop but as he wasn't part of a gun club, they wouldn't let him have a gun. 

I texted the manager of the mental health charity but he wasn't much help. He said that I should phone the guards, this wouldn't help much. I texted our friend and he told me to just listen to him and be there for him and that he said these things to all his friends. Okay, I understand that but why can't something be done? Why is no one being more proactive? I guess many people find it hard like this when someone they know tells them they're suicidal. 

I explained gun laws to him, no one can get him a gun for suicide without being arrested. I looked up resources. I've done some volunteering with Pieta House, and so I emailed the person I had contact with there. In the end I phoned his psychiatry clinic with his consent and he left a message asking for a nurse to call out. 

He says he hasn't been able to sleep properly for years, he's troubled by a voice in his head. He's become very depressed with lack of sleep and lack of quality of life with the voice in his head. It's a tough one. Really I would imagine the only solution would be to change his medications, but he says no, and he saw his psychiatrist today and didn't tell them what was on his mind. So really it's hard to do much unless someone proactively liaises with his mental health team. 

He went back to his room to rest, and talked with me a bit longer later, mainly about the lack of sleep. You can imagine it's hard to do anything when you can't do anything. I just listened and sympathized. I hope the clinic can take his message seriously and someone can come round. 

Suicidal thoughts and actions impact on people around the person who is suffering. 

As previously mentioned, if someone is suicidal, they can get trapped in a dark tunnel of despair and not see a way out or a time when the problem isn't a problem. So if this man hasn't been sleeping for a long time, it's hard for him to see anything different. I remember what I'm like when I miss one night's sleep, I get physically and emotionally sick very easily, so it must be bad to have missed so much sleep. To choose life, there have to be things to live for, and without sleep, everything can be affected, it can be hard to see any positives. 

Update on that. 

I liaised with this friend's psychiatric team and pushed them to call out as they tried to ignore the request and phone him or ask him to go to them, which he wouldn't. They'd been unaware of how bad things were, and met with me and him and continued proactive contact, and as I left the situation, I left it with them and trusted they'd handle it. 

Darkness into Light

Darkness into Light, Limerick 2025. The sun rises behind TUS Moylish Campus now that the walkers are back and everyone is enjoying breakfast. 

I had the great pleasure and honour of being a safety volunteer for Darkness into Light, 2025 after walking in Dublin last year.

I am very lucky that Pieta House. Limerick, is within biking distance of home, and so last week I biked over after college and met the team. I've been in Limerick 8 months, I've not long come out of street homelessness, and this is my first official community role since leaving homelessness. 

Pieta House play a vital role in suicide prevention and support of those affected by suicide, they provide safe and accessible intervention for people feeling suicidal and support for those affected by suicide. I admire them greatly. When I was at college a few years ago, a team came to the college to talk to us about Pieta House and the services offered, and I think it's amazing that they go into college and universities to ensure that students are aware of their services, students can be a vulnerable group to suicide. The Darkness into Light walk raises vital funds for Pieta House while bringing hope to people affected by suicide. Here's a link to their website:

https://www.pieta.ie/

I biked to Mungret to meet the team on Tuesday, nice people, a nice simple meeting, and I was heading home again before long. I decided that biking to the start point for 3 am on Saturday morning would be too much, so I booked a taxi, and because of past taxi experiences, I booked for it to arrive at 2 am.

I was up at 1 am, having gone to bed early. The taxi was early, and I was at the start point for 2.30. We went round putting up signs and banners, and then volunteers were gathering and a group of us went with a security man to the car park and route from the car park.

I ended up on the front line of car parking, which worked well for me, the security man was keeping traffic and pedestrians separate where the road and footpath met, and he was really clear with instructions which was good, and there were no incidents as people parked and gathered. 

There was just one awkward person, who decided he'd force me out of the position I needed to be in in order to direct traffic, he was driving a huge Dublin registered Chelsea Tractor and trying to fit his car into a space too small for his vehicle. He was really rude, and as he squeezed his car into the space, the couple sitting in the car next to his, got out, checked the tiny space between his car and theirs and said to him 'There's not much room there', he ignored them and me, blew cigarette smoke over us all and stalked off. the couple started their car and re-parked it. 

Mayor John Moran parked, and his dog Henri was barking at my arm signals as I directed traffic, I said 'Shh, Henri, it's too early'. It was 4 am and still dark. 

When traffic was all done, I went to the main gathering area and followed the walkers down to the road. A lady with two gorgeous dogs got me to take some photos for her at the doggie start of the the walk. Then I walked up to the road. 

There was a lone female Garda doing the traffic duty on the roundabout, while a Garda van followed the walkers. I stayed there and directed stragglers.

I was there to cheer the runners and walkers back in, and most were nice, one woman was rude to me, no known reason, but people are like that. 1800 walkers and only two people not in the mood for manners. 

When John Moran and his cohort arrived back, towards the end of the walkers, instead of congratulating the Mayor, I congratulated his dog, and they all laughed. 

Then as the glorious sun rose, there was a nice breakfast, sandwiches, pastries and tea and coffee. It was a great atmosphere and I was honoured to be there. 

I walked back into town with my headphones on, very happy. I forget that I'm disabled, and marshal duties are physical. I had thankfully packed a folding walking stick in my bag and when I started struggling, I leaned on that and staggered into town at about 7 am, exhausted and in pain.

I went into church to put my prayers in the basket as usual, got a cup of tea and a copy of the Post, and sat on the wall, feeling as if I'd never get up again...until the leader of another community volunteering project I belong to, came along and asked if I was litter picking, and I said yes, hauled myself up and dragged myself litter picking with the others. 

We had a great morning, the weather was fantastic, and we went for coffee afterwards, it was a great time, but I was absolutely wrecked at the end. I did my library tasks and got some shopping, went home and collapsed for the rest of the weekend. What a fantastic experience! 

Never forget where it all began, 8 months ago, and now here I am, fully registered and belonging. Limerick 10/05/2025

Memory and Music

There are days when people with difficulties and traumas can't do much. I had a day like that recently. 

What matters in life is every day. Every minute. And on days when your present is disrupted by the past, sometimes remembering and putting the memories to bed again is all you can do.

A few weeks ago I came home upset and sad. All I could do is listen to music, cry, and let some of the emotion out. I don't do that often. As an autistic person and a survivor, I am very static and can seem without the sad and angry emotions at all unless I'm really provoked, and of course there was no one to see me cry. 

Sometimes it helps to let the emotions out, to use music, as I do, to bring up the memories and then put them to bed again so I can feel better.

I started writing this post back on that day when I came home feeling bad, but so much happens in life, and it is now the week between Christmas and New Year. I had a nice Christmas, for me it isn't piles of gifts, there were no piles of gifts, but a Christmas without violence, without suffering, without squalid accommodation, without grief and anger and pain, a Christmas in a warm clean place with plenty of food and tea, a jigsaw puzzle, films, music, Mass on Christmas Day, a very nice dinner and a long walk. That's all I need, and I know I am luckier than some, that for once in all those hard, lonely, violent or desperate Christmases, I now have had a nice Christmas. If you are a survivor as I am, you may be wondering if that means things will go wrong in the New Year - yes, we do that don't we? 

Not everyone loves music or uses it to rouse and put to bed memories, but it's something I do, and it helps me, as you may have read, I walk round Limerick with my headphones or earphones and my music on, it makes me less afraid of being out among people, a thing I have never shaken off but which lessened a little with the help of a psychologist.

Music can be an incredible help to mental health, and a large percentage of the population like music and can access it. Do you like music? Treat yourself to some music if you can, whatever genre or style you like, or explore new genres. I do a virtual travel project and as I virtually travel, I learn about new styles of music from around the world. 

What do I mean by virtual travel? Well it started when I lived in France during the first part of the 'Covid Pandemic' and we were all fairly static then, and I had a feeling I'd always be poor and never be able to travel as I dreamed, so I started to explore the world virtually. I do most of this visually with comprehensive Youtube videos on the history, geography, topography and demographics of each country plus all notable places, features and culture, and then I use travel vlogs to actually visit each country. I've learned a lot, I write out what I learn but it's not for publication, it's purely for my own interest, and it's a geek thing, it's just for me, because even now, living in Ireland. I feel I may never get to travel much. I am on my 147th country and will also go on to disputed and overseas territories when I've done the official countries.

I don't want to bore you with the above, but it's another example of how life is limitless, you can learn and travel when you're disabled and a pandemic restricts the whole world from travel, so there I was, a UK citizen, living in France and then Ireland during the pandemic, and travelling all the time. It's as I said in previous posts, there are ways round roadblocks and barriers, you just have to find them.

Back to music. What music reminds you of childhood? What music reminds you of dating? What music reminds you of bad times? What music reminds you of good times? What music reminds you of grief? Use music to help you with emotions, you'll be surprised.

That night when I came home in a sad mood and had a rare cry, I went through a huge selection of music from present to distant past. The Limerick Love Song which is in my daily playlist 'By your side' by 10th Avenue North was in there of course: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdjRmM0Q0qs

Then there were songs such as 'Memory' from the musical 'Cats' and 'Old Toy Trains' by Roger Miller, which reminds me of my brother and Christmas. I haven't spoken to my brother for many years and probably never will again, he and I were close but my family are unstable and abusive and I have no contact with them. But if you can imagine growing up in a big family and then being totally separated from them, it's times like Christmas that it can hurt, but I have to think that it's the right thing for me, for my well-being. Music helps me to remember and then put the memories to bed. 

Trains and the railway were a central part of my life when I was young, and I remain an extreme train fan, and am sorely disappointed with trains and railways in Ireland, unfortunately, but I remember the trains and railways in the UK, back when they were good, yes, I'm old enough to remember. To remember slam door trains with windows which opened so that you could put your head out and the diesel locos. A big piece of my heart is with the old train days and the railway which was. 

All of us were hooked on the railway, and a family in crisis and distress found comfort in the familiarity of the railways, the trains and the stations. My brothers and sister would spend a lot of time down at the stations, passing the time and escaping the hellish situations at home, and they got to know all the station staff by name. Things are different now, you wouldn't be sitting chatting to the sparse station staff, on stations which have staff, but back then, even on that busy mainline, the staff were genial and happy to chat, a bit like in 'The Railway Children' perhaps. 

When I was aged between 8 and 11, my sister was suicidal, badly abused and with no one to turn to as my parents refused to engage about abuse and were too caught up in their own problems, so she'd go and stand on the foot crossing or the foobridge on the railway line and try to find the courage to be killed by a train, and then she'd come home and tell me about it, no one else, she'd tell me. I was close to my older sister just as I was close to my older brother, they were essentially pseudo parents to me and of course my sister's suicide ideation and the fact that she only confided in me, had a lifelong effect on me. It's one of the reasons I'm writing this blog. I want you to live. 

One of the places where my sister used to consider suicide is unfortunately too often a scene of suicide even now, as the train tracks are so accessible, and when I was researching last year, there was a suicide there. It made me think, what happens to the train and driver if the train he's driving hits someone? I looked it up and it's a lengthy and complicated process and the driver is of course affected. Suicides on train lines are too common in the UK, I don't know about Ireland but there have certainly been a few while I've been here. 

My sister used to be down at the railway every day, and often on the trains as well, she used to go in the Guard's Van with her bike, another old tradition that's been lost, the guard's van was for the train guard, parcels and bikes, she used to ride in the guard's van and talk to the guard. It's good that she got away from the family and talked to people, I didn't get so much opportunity to get away, we didn't normally go to school, a gypsy family and outside of society including schools. My sister would come home and she'd listen to 'Another Town Another Train' by Abba, 'Move On' also by Abba, 'Where the Waves Roll out to Sea'... and so those songs were part of my life. It was indeed the end of 89 when we listened to 'Happy New Year' and looked out at the darkness and the sea with the foghorns from the different ports shouting out the New Year's greeting in turn. 'What lies waiting down the line, at the end of 89...' another song and memory which stays with me. 

 'Another Town Another Train' became my theme tune, still partly is, the song of a brokenhearted traveller who lived and died on the railway line, only I didn't die, neither did my sister, we went on through life, damaged and full of problems. When I hear 'Another Town Another Train' I'm back there on that seashore in the dark, I'm back there by that railway line, and my sister, who is long gone from my life and who I will never see again, is there with me. Day to day I barely think of that family I was in, I barely give them thought, which sounds harsh, but it's the right thing for me to be separated from them, for the sake of my health, but if or when I need or want to remember, then songs wake the memories and then put them to bed. 

I wish I could tell you that things got better and we all lived happily ever after, but no, things only got worse, and by age 16, my sister had left the family and gone back there, to the town between the beach and the railway which we'd left behind, moved away from. Aged 16 and severely damaged, she tried to make her own way rather than going on being part of the family, and she ended up injured and starving. She left me her photo albums and her music. She was obviously a great Abba fan and said that 'When all is said and Done' was the song that made her realise that our parents didn't care if she lived or died. And that song reminds me of my bewilderment over her leaving us, and leaving me alone with no one to talk to, as my brother was preoccupied with other things now. My sister was one of the great influences on my early life. Then when we moved again, and Christmas was coming, my brother remembered me and took me under his wing again, we listened to Greg Lake's 'I believe in Father Christmas' as we secretly tried to make Christmas in poor conditions special for the other children.

You can possibly see a pattern there with me and my brother and Christmas. It started when we were 7 years old in that terrifying unregulated hostel with the addicts and alcoholics, secretly preparing gifts and goodies to make Christmas special for our siblings. And until this year, he would be in my thoughts at Christmas, but now my family are really fading from my memory, family are important, they shape who you are, they shape your brain, and I'm damaged for life, but they were important, it's just now they've been gone so long and hurt me so badly that as I grow, I am moving away from them and the memories, they are too far beyond forever and are not the children I grew up with anymore. And this is something I mentioned, it can be very hard to leave hurtful and abusive relationships, but when we leave, despite the pain, we then start to grow.

The worst year of my young life was when I was 12 years old. During that whole year we were caught up in serious gang violence, and I suffered a breakdown defending my mother and sibling's lives until help arrived, this was just one of the many many incidents of extreme violence during that year and throughout my childhood. I had a breakdown, but because my parents didn't allow and were against medical and psychological help, I didn't get help and became elective mute, non-speaking. The song that reminds me of those times is 'Both side of the Story' by Phil Collins. What I describe is sometimes assumed to be Belfast when people hear parts of my story, but it wasn't. In recent times, the world has expressed horror at the UK riots and the excuses made for those riots, and of how school children were involved, but it isn't new, it is part of UK culture and was around in the 80s and 90s. It isn't new but it wasn't original bred on racial hatred or immigration propaganda, there were other things behind it back then, but it has to feed off something and so race and immigration became the target. 

'Both sides of the Story' by Phil Collins takes me from that terrible year as a 12 year old on the dangerous sink estates, to the ghettos of the big city not long after, out of the frying pan and into the frying pan with no relief. 

I always tell everyone if I tell them anything about my life 'I'm only telling you the tip of the iceberg'. And that's all I can do here. I manage my memories and emotions and file them safely through music, I've only named a few songs here but for me, every place, person and emotion has a song, and I believe that is what has saved me. Does music help you? Could it help you? I have so many more memories and songs but I think I've shared enough for today and will continue the music theme another time. If you don't already, try using music to help you with life. 

My Limerick/198 playlist includes:

• 'Snow in August' Patrick Doyle's composition from Nanny McPhee. The 198 Theme. 
• 'By your Side' 10th Avenue North - The Limerick Love Song.
• 'Long before your Time' Johnny McEvoy. 
• 'Goodbye Yellowbrick Road' Elton John.
• 'Ship to Shore' Chris deBurgh. 
• 'See beneath you're Beautiful' Emile Sande and Labrinth. 
• 'Limerick you're a Lady' Various. 
• 'Three leaf Shamrock' Various
• 'Are you right there Michael' Various - I know it's a Clare song but I'm a hybrid like many people. 
• 'Brahm's Lullaby' Jewel - for O'Brien's Bridge (a village near Limerick). 
• 'Any Tipperary Town' Various - just to be controversial. 

A note on the last one. Hurling is a fiercely competitive sport, especially in County Clare, but also Limerick and Tipperary. And the little town of Clarecastle has three sports, hurling, hurling missiles, and Mass when you stop hurling things. If someone really angers you, you get the lads to bundle him into a van, drop him blindfold at Clarecastle with a hurley in his hand and shout out 'Hey lads! The Tipperary Team are here!' and drive off, hoping you remembered to give Michael a bullet proof hat and some body armour. I'll tell you the one about Mass next time. 

I wish I could put Limerick November and December 2024 in a freeze frame, in a snow globe, and keep it forever. Some of the happiest days of my life. That fecker who left me on the streets sold the property he was supposedly putting me in to rent, early in December, interesting. He wasn't really going to give me a tenancy, but didn't I fall for his games? And it devastated me but didn't kill me, because bad things happen in life, and life doesn't need to end, even if we carry the wounds, the scars. Life is limitless and beautiful. Shock, anger, grief, they are normal when bad things happen, and then slowly, we start to move forward, maybe to change things as a result of what's happened. 

I use music to help me with everything, and in the early days, sometimes all I could do was listen to my Limerick playlist, go in church to rage to God, and sit quietly.

When it is Darkest

 When it is Darkest is a book by Rory O'Connor, it's about suicide. Should I be putting it up here? 

Yes. It can be a bit harrowing to read but helpful. 

One of the things that he observes is that if people are considering suicide, they often see there being no way out, they feel that they are in a tunnel with nothing but the present situation. I know what it is like to feel trapped like that. It is often possible for life to go on and move on even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. I stayed alive and although the things that led to me feeling desperate didn't go away, I'm glad I'm alive now.

Another thing the book tells is how suicide impacts on other people. It affects a lot more people around us than we think, and stays with them in their lives. 

Gerry and the incident in Dublin

Norf Earl Street

My friend Gerry and I were sitting and chatting on Dublin's North Earl Street once. North Earl Street is where people used to meet and put the world to rights before the council put that money-draining crowd-drawing monstrosity in.  So there we were, chatting away on my fave doorstep, and all of a sudden, this woman tried to commit suicide in front of us. 

We were startled, someone shouted. This woman was right by us, slashing her arms with a razor in earnest. It isn't clear whether she was out of her mind in distress or under the influence, but for anyone to get into such a state is a terrible thing, because life is precious. We got the razor off her and held onto her as she reverted to slamming her head on the wall and the ground. We held her with all our might and shielded her head, as she was determined to die. Neither Gerry nor I could call an ambulance, we both have difficulties phones and had our hands rather full, but plenty of other people were around to help with that. It was Gerry and myself holding onto this distressed woman, who had thankfully managed to miss any major arteries despite slashing determinedly all down her arms, there was plenty of blood. 

In the meantime, Greedy Bob the seagull and his gang were busy raiding my bag and taking my lunch, thanks a bundle, Greedy Bob, I've never forgotten and will get revenge. 

A crowd had gathered, and where there are normally loads of Gardai (police officers) in the area, this day it took 10 minutes for a lone bike Garda to appear and he forcussed on (quite rightly) giving out to some ghoul who was filming the whole incident. The ambulance then arrived and the woman was safely conveyed to hospital. In the aftermath, people were talking to me, Irish people, as you know, like to talk, and I got caught up with being talked to, lost sight of poor Gerry. In the days that followed, he told me he'd been very shocked, he hadn't dealt with anything like that before, while for me, blood and violence and extremes of behaviour have been a constant part of my life experience, so I was less affected, but not unaffected. I remember how the blood stains stayed on the ground near my doorstep on North Earl Street for so long. As far as I know the woman was set for a good recovery physically, although she'd be scarred, and hopefully she would get some help and I wish her well, although sadly the beautiful country of Ireland is low on resources with too many people needing the limited help that's available. Ireland is a modern country struggling to cope with change and a growing population and changing world and generational wounds, and is not providing the capacity of medical and support services needed for the current population. 

The woman's suicide attempt impacted on her and on all of us who were there. Suicide does. Suicide has a lasting impact on other people. If you try and fail, you live with the consequences and the issues that caused the attempt. It's better to stay alive and try to find solutions, which isn't easy either. 

Suicide and attempted suicide affect everyone, and people don't always understand, despair, desperation, can lead to people attempting suicide, not just 'mental health problems'. People who attempt suicide are in desperate need of help, not necessarily 'Mentally ill', but society has been taught to hear and parrot 'click phrases' rather than see what's behind someone wanting to end their life.  

I am not a medical professional or an 'expert' except in lived experiences. I have survived all kinds of hell and horror and decided to live, and I want to help others if I can. If I can help one person, if I can return one starfish to the sea, then I've made a difference. Choose life.