Advice. Pedantic, repetitive and funny

I wrote this years ago at my friend's house in France. I used to invade his home, especially when he was away, and watch Les Lapins Cretins on his TV and laugh until I cried. I must have written this while high on Les Lapins, keep in mind I'm autistic as you read this: 

This, in totally random order, is written out of sudden inspiration, otherwise known as 'A fit of madness'. Your kids may not understand these until they are 10 at least, more likely 12 or older, unless they are geeks. Off the wall advice from a whacky sensible person who has lived a lot of life.

Most of all, this is to remind you to pass on your own life lessons to your children, it is what parents do, as naturally as providing food and clothing. Every parent has life experience to pass on, and this book doesn't have to be limited to parents and children, anyone can pass on advice or use advice as inspiration. It's not too serious or pedantic, just my own thoughts from experience. 

1. Work is important, but play and good rest are also important, work, whether it is learning or working for a living (or even volunteer work), takes up a lot of time, but if you didn't work or study, you would have too much time and could be bored and unhappy. Try to absorb yourself in work, and try to be interested or do things that interest you, and time will pass. Then when it's play time, enjoy your hobbies, activities or rest to the full, don't think about work, have a good boundary. 
2. If you ever fall and strain or sprain something, don't assume it will heal, see a doctor and make sure you don't end up with a permanent injury. 
3. Being polite will help you. 
4. Don't smoke. You don't want to end up in a situation where you are choosing between food for your children and cigarettes because your addiction is ruling you.
5. Don't drink. You don't want to end up in a situation where you are choosing between food for your children and alcohol because your addiction is ruling you. 1.     If you develop a drink or drug problem, fight it with your life and get help or it will take your life, and no one deserves that. 
6. Live life to the full, take opportunities to join groups and clubs and community events, don't worry about being new or out of place, each person is new at some point, give things a try, and if its not for you, try something else. You will meet new people and you will live. 
7. Love. Love life and beautiful sunrise and sunsets, scenery, animals, even possibly people, although that can be challenging. See the beauty and wonder in life and in people, yes, in people. 
8. Don't get annoyed when people write cliquey pieces about love and life, just accept that as their opinion. This work is my opinion and its words may or may not suit your needs. 
9. Everyone has an opinion and in life, unless you live as a recluse or in a hermitage, you will have differences of opinions, arguments and fights, don't let those disagreements and the memory of them hold you down. Focus on the day, and remember, even recluses and hermits have differences of opinion just sometimes. 
10. Don't argue for the sake of it, it all ends in tears. No one can be top dog all the time.
11. Make a habit of tidying up. Do your bed in the morning, then you won't be embarrassed when the estate agent calls round. Wash up as you cook and after you eat,  sweep and hoover in between TV programmes, challenge yourself to do as much as you can,  it becomes routine and not a chore when you make a habit, and then it's neither messy and waiting to be done, nor on your mind. 
12. Be kind to people sometimes, give them a surprise gift or message to say that you appreciate them. 
13. If people don't appreciate your kindness or friendship, or if they ignore your emails or messages and don't make an effort. Let them go, treat yourself to some new people who care about you.
14. Be flexible. You may not like peas, potatoes or wine now, but you might when you're older, and if you don't, then like something else. Disliking foods for the sake of it and living on a narrow diet isn't good for you. Like things for the sake of it instead. 
15. Don't try to use money, status or possessions to be popular or respected. It will make people tired of you. 
16. Do your Best
17. Never give up
18. It is true that some people struggle with some things and some people excel at some things, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, some people are artistic, some are practical, some are good at science. If you have to do something in a field that you are not good at, just do your best. 
19. No one is less than you or below you because of their race, nor is anyone better than you because of their race. 
20. Girls Can like pink and dolls, and boys Can like blue and football, you never need to be ashamed or made to feel that you are being sexist for liking colours and activities which have been gender stereotyped. And Girls Can like blue and football, Boys Can like pink and dolls. You go with your heart and ignore prejudices. Be free and happy, be yourself. 
21. Don't live in fear of what people think of you, if people are insulting or bullying you thank them for being concerned enough to offer criticism, and walk away.
22. Wash or shower every day, it is good for you and also courteous to other people to make sure that you don't smell bad. Wash your clothes, brush your teeth, keep your bed linen clean. Even in poverty or homeless, it is possible to keep clean if you make an effort, take it from someone with a lot of experience.
23. If you have any sort of health issue or worry and the doctor doesn't take it seriously, seek another opinion, in the UK, if the NHS let you down, go to a private clinic. In my case it saved my life and also led to the diagnosis of a broken spine which the NHS said was all in my head. Believe in yourself and what you are feeling. Fight for your health, get a second opinion.
24. Don't try to rush ahead in life, enjoy being you at the age that you are at, being where you are and with whoever you are with. You won't regret savouring it when the place and people are gone. We all look back with nostalgia, live this time so that you can remember living it when it becomes that time. You can't stop time, but you can live in the present and leave the future to tomorrow.
25. Don't be ashamed of falling in love or who you fall in love with, it happens. But if the person you are in love with is out of bounds, for example married or in a relationship etc, distract yourself until the feeling fades, it hurts, but it isn't forever, seek out new people and new activities. 
26. Don't envy people what they have, it is a waste of time and soul, just make the best of what you have, value your own possessions and abilities and try to use your resources to create what you want. For all you know, the person with the Mercedes and huge TV may have them on credit and be getting into debt and drinking to avoid the worry, rejoice in your own life and remember that there are people worse off than you. Including me, can you lend me a tenner? You are the only You, live the best life you can. 
27. If you have the opportunity, save money, put money aside. 
28. If you have a car, routinely check the tyres, tyres pressures, water and oil, and keep them topped up. People who never do and don't know how to, end up with their car broken down at the side of the road, just for little things like that. It is also handy to learn about signs that something is wrong with the car and what it might be. I learned a little bit about fixing the car myself as well.
29. If you can't have a car, for whatever reason, keep in mind that you are one person who isn't harming the environment the way car drivers do (this was written in 2019 when petrol and diesel cars were still about).And remember that if you bike or walk, that is very good for your health, you have that advantage over people who drive everywhere, and you get to see the world in a different way to drivers. 
30. Growing up and leaving home isn't just the start of freedom, it is the start of being entirely responsible for yourself. Which can be challenging. Face it headfirst. Learn to delegate but be independent, and ask for advice if you need to. 
31. Be careful with drinking alcohol, fun and grown up as it is. Don't drink a lot of alcohol if you are alone, accidents, choking and any amount of disasters could occur. Don't get too drunk if you are with people that you don't know well. Don't walk home alone if you are drunk, and whatever you do, do not drink and drive, if you listen to one thing I have said, listen to that. There is a very high chance that if you drink and drive, you will regret it for life if you live, and if someone else doesn't live, there will be people regretting you for life, and you will never forgive yourself. Similarly, don't use your phone and drive, unless you are on legal hands-free. 
32. There are bad, unjust and cruel people in life, you may have the misfortune to meet some of them, but don't mistrust people in general for the sake of it or be proud to mistrust, be proud to be trusting but shrewd and careful, it is better for your outlook and well-being.
33. Exercise, if you can and when you can, it is good for you and usually has the side benefit of being a social thing.
34. Be honest, if you aren't, eventually you will be found out and it affects you for life. Also being honest gives you a good reputation and encourages people to deal with you and be grateful. 
35. Have ideas, dreams, plans, and don't let anyone put you down or put you off, if they try to, that's their problem and not yours.
36. Write.
37. Have a sense of humour, do the occasional daft thing to make people laugh, humour doesn't need to be dirty or about prejudice, the best humour is simple humour, plays on words, puns, accidental double meanings, and laughing at yourself if you get something wrong or something goes wrong. Pranks are fun too.
38. If you ever have the opportunity to take training and extra qualifications, go for it, it is always to your benefit. It isn't daft to still be learning when you are an adult, it is great, and you meet new people and have new opportunities, it can change your life. 
39. Learn another language, and make part of your learning a visit to the country where that language is spoken, even virtual visits are good if you can't travel. Knowing another language increases your access to films and books that you might never have read. If you are lucky to grow up bilingual, be proud of that and make full use of it through teaching, translating and travel.
40. Have fun with Google Earth. 
41. Life is not all on social media, and a lot of cruel and dangerous people spend their days on social media, be careful who you talk to online, and social media is great for keeping up with friends and relatives at a distance as well as those closer to home, but don't plan your whole life round it and give it more importance than everyday life. 
42. Don't put people on pedestals or see any one person or couple as the answer to all your problems. Everyone is human and all have their failings, and relying heavily one one or two people can be a recipe for disaster. We all need someone, some people to support us, but we also have to pull our own weight and use support to move forward rather than lean. It's the same as being in love, find distractions from the people who you put on pedestals. 
43. If you are single or alone, don't spend your time envying others who are in relationships, or thinking that you are the only single person around. Have some fun, have some fun and make the most of being single, you get to choose what movies you watch and what food you eat. If you have children to raise, admittedly it is hard to see your singleness as freedom, but with children, appreciate the blessing of having time with them as they grow, and doing activities with them.
44. If you stare at your phone when you're walking, you don't see the world, you hurt your neck and you're a hazard and a nuisance. The real world is better than desperately trying to be validated by your phone. 
45. Try new things, don't get stuck in a rut and afraid of new experiences. Especially try new food, be brave. Cook something new or eat out somewhere new, concoct new drinks - mine is lemon, ginger, turmeric, cinnamon and honey tea - yummy. Try new films and books, at least try them and see if you like a new genre. Try a new place for a walk, try a new website, a new place for a holiday. It might change your life. But, do not watch Kickass and try to imitate the superheroes. 
46. When you are overwhelmed or afraid or in crisis, write it all down. By hand, or in a private or public blog or a word document or voice to text, depending on how you feel. Writing down can be hard at the painful bits, but it helps. And remember, if you share your writing on social media, there are strangers who can be cruel to those in vulnerable positions, so think carefully before you share with strangers. Often just keeping a private diary or sharing with select people helps. 
47. Never share intimate pictures of yourself online, you will regret it. Don't bend to pressure, blackmail or taunts, anyone with so little respect for you isn't worth knowing. Be brave enough to keep yourself and your intimacy protected from strangers. You don't need others to validate your body and beauty. Everyone is beautiful, other people do not have the power to define this. 
48. Don't be pressured or blackmailed into sex, no one has the right to do this and you would regret it. Be strong and if necessary get help. Sex for you is something that you should want and not something to be forced into against your will. This goes for losing your virginity, there is no age shame in losing your virginity, wait until you are ready and with someone you care about, and ignore pressure. And if someone else is determined not to let you wait, speak up, because they will treat other people the same. And get away from them.
49. Don't worry too much about your appearance, worry enough to wash and brush, do your nails, put on clothes and shoes, clean your glasses if you have them, show that you care about yourself, but don't worry too much about looking glamorous unless it is a special occasion. A nice suit or dress is great, but don't go overboard on dressing for every day. And don't overdo the perfume or aftershave, it is bad for people with asthma who you come into contact with. 
50. Don't forget the shopping bags when you go shopping.
51. Don't be afraid of hard work and dirty work, it is rewarding. Yes, really.
52. Don't panic or run way every time someone is snappy or rude, try to work out what is behind their attitude. 
53. Stand up for yourself if you are treated badly, especially if there is no apparent reason for it. Keep standing up. Don't go overboard  - my life lesson now is my overreaction to people hurting me. Sometimes it's best to leave a situation where you are treated badly all the time. 
54. Watch the film 'Yes Man' and learn, but there are definite boundaries, you can't say yes to everything without ending up in trouble, but you can change your life by daring to do new things. 
55. If you are married or in a relationship, never forget to show the person you are with that you care, they may worry that you don't otherwise. So endure their taste in movies, buy them gifts and be caring and kind. 
56. Don't take life too seriously, often one challenge seems life or death but then is gone and forgotten and the next issue comes along. Don't let worries take away your enjoyment of life. Life is challenging, human beings live in a whacky world of their own creation, unlike other species who just choose the right environment and live simply there. 
57. You may be frustrated that what is written here doesn't apply. So write your own learnings down as a guide for others. Everyone shouts at contestants on gameshows because they would do better than those contestants. 
58. Enjoy family time and play, treasure every minute, laugh and have fun. If you can't, then enjoy time with friends or alone time. Enjoying life is as vital as working. Get photos of the good times as well, but not just for social media, there is no need to try and compete with other people's happiness and their loved ones. 
59. Do not read too deeply into what newspapers, magazines or media say is good or bad for you. Where does their research come from? It is almost impossible for them not to have a bias. If you aren't sure, research and find good reliable statistics. You may notice how the media change their mind from week to week about what is good or bad for you, and no one can actually keep up, although I have met those who try. 
60. On the subject of news and media, be just as discerning with news stories, what is printed can not only have the outlet's own bias but can be distorted from the real story and can have a bias to sell the story. Innocent people can be dreadfully harmed by misreporting of a matter, even with supposed regulations in place, which are barely viable. Be someone who sees past headlines.
61. Be comfortable. Have I already done this one? No need to dress in tight clothes, plastic-based material or anything uncomfortable. Wear what you feel  best in, soft cottons, loose clothes that don't restrict you or make you sweat. Even at night, a full length cotton top, jogging bottoms and cotton socks, you should be warm and comfortable enough to sleep then. 
62. You don't have to have five portions of fruit and vegetables a day or take 20 minutes exercise per day, everyone is different and every day is different, and it is likely that those who make the 'rules' that are pushed upon us, don't do as they advise anyway. Fruit is sweet and nice, enjoy it, five a day? Nah, who measures it? How many portions is a tine of pineapple rings in juice? Exercise for your own benefit, not to strict guidelines. 
63. Have a good bed and good support for your head and neck. A lot of insomnia comes from sleeping conditions which could be improved. Beds, mattresses, duvets and especially pillows, wear down and wear out. Sleep in comfortable clothing, and wear socks if your feet are a bit cold, slightly cold feet can keep you awake, very cold feet need a bowl of warm water before bed, or a hot water bottle. Keep your room aired and make sure the temperature is right for you. Some people like a cold room and a warm duvet, some like a warm room, each person is different. Have some water or squash by your bed in case you wake up thirsty. If you are kept awake by noise, wear earplugs temporarily and find a solution, long term sleep deprivation from noise can be serious. If tension keeps you awake, use a heat or anti-inflammatory cream on your neck and shoulders. There are many sleep rules but these are ones I know from experience. 
64. Everyone is different. Keep it in mind when you think that your different is right. If it was, everyone would be you. Differences are essential, and not everyone will agree with you.
65. Violence is never an answer to anything, but knowing self-defence or a martial art is a healthy thing and good for your security and well-being. 
66. Everyone has bad habits. Many people snore. 
67. Be strong, if you are bereaved or feeling low, don't let your doctor brand you as depressed and put you on drugs, don't take offers of your life state being mental illness unless you really are not coping, and in case of a close bereavement anyone would struggle, it is not mental illness. Seek any alternative to being branded and drugged, the culture of making almost every person out to have mental health problems and thus not credible if any incident occurs in their life, is dangerous and damaging. 
68. If you do need help, if you can't cope, engage with any help but do not use it as an excuse to stop looking after yourself and your life, it is like people on pedestals, help, therapy, support, should not become your foundation, and it is not an ideal foundation or an answer. But do persist with help and be open about your difficulties. Talking to someone safe regularly is really good for you.
69. Don't waste holidays just lying on a beach. Go exploring, see the world. Go to another country on a work exchange, a home exchange or a house sitting assignment, there are loads of sites offering opportunity, so go with your wildest dreams and go and live in someone's home somewhere and work in that country and really see it. Even Airbnb is better than a hotel for really meeting locals and learning about the district and country. 
70. If you choose to have a faith, faith is personal. There are many religions and denominations, all believe that they are right. Research and understand what you believe, see what the Bible or Qu'ran or other faith book teaches about your faith, and have your own view, you don't need to be involved in extremes of views or dragged into any politics or power struggles associated with places of worship, just enjoy and benefit from your faith and worship as and when and where you feel that you need to, keep your faith healthy. And if you don't have a faith, respect other people's faith in the same way you respect their race, gender and lifestyle, we are all different. Don't let any church recruit you from the street by being pushy. Research and consider before joining any faith body, make sure it's what you're looking for. 
71. Paperwork is a drag, but like chores, it is best done as soon as possible and thoroughly, keep communication with the authorities clear and open, write extensive covering letters if you have to, it will make your life easier if everything is up to date and you aren't lying awake worrying.
72. Do lists. Lives can be changed through lists. I rebuilt my whole life through ongoing lists and I still do lists now. Every task can be on a list, and having a list motivates you, ticking things off a list is very satisfying. 
73. Don't feed fears and phobias. In a society that almost encourages us to have things wrong with us, if you sit about at home feeling afraid of things, you feed the fear. I am lucky enough to have had a good psychologist who taught me this simply and easily, don't feed the fear, fight it and overcome it, it is only you who suffers if you encourage it because you feel you have to give it attention. Fear can eat you, don't let that happen needlessly. 
74. If life is awful, go and see a film or watch one on DVD or TV, a dramatic end of the world film or soul-touching biography can help to put things in perspective or help you to re-route your mind and see things differently. I find that Will Smith's 'tortured' characters in 'I am Legend' or '7 pounds' along with the dramatic scenery and storylines can really help me and take my mind off my problems for a while as well.
75. Don't be sick, phobic, ill, labelled or neurotic for the sake of attention (or benefits) find that attention in being as whole as possible and doing as much as possible despite what you carry. Being as whole as possible is the best thing for your health. If you feel that this one doesn't apply to your situation, that is cool, don't worry about it. Look up inspirational stories of what people can and have achieved despite what they carry. 
76. Be ethical, that way your conscience is clear. Don't waste food or resources, recycle and don't feel that you can't make a difference. Don't do things that might hurt others, we all hurt others at times, but a bit of thought can prevent some hurts. Don't make excessive noise that might upset your neighbours, don't block their parking if you have a car. Don't waste water. Just think about yourself as connected to others near and far, and how your actions may impact on them. One of the good developments in a world full of bad developments is this awareness of impact. There are people who are not aware and not bothered about their impact on others, to the point where they drive you mad. Try to get away from them if you can. Phone zombies are one of the worst modern nuisances. 
77. Being poor is hard, I know that. If you are not well off, be resourceful, I know from experience that you have to be resourceful if you are poor, and present yourself as best you can. And work hard at whatever you can work hard at, looking for a more prosperous future. 
78. Volunteer work is one of the best experiences in the world, as long as you don't end up with a totally unsuitable and unpalatable role. Volunteering builds you up, makes you a better person, gives you new experience and an important advantage in job seeking and promotion seeking. Volunteering will make you feel good about yourself, give you purpose, be something to talk about, a way to meet new and interesting people, you may even get free training. I say this from a lifetime of spare time volunteering of all kinds.
79. Brush up your skills. I mentioned learning and training before, but if you are having trouble with an area of life, writing, maths etc, there are lots of courses, some are free, and it is worth having a go. If your problem area is a learning difficulty, you will know if my advice is worth anything, I have learning difficulties myself and I chose to try to improve, and it was worth it, but not everyone can or wants to struggle with it. Schools used to be very cruel over learning difficulties and different ability and it can put you off learning for life. 
80. Gardening and outdoor activities are good for you, even if you have disabilities. I have benefited from being a gardener for decades now, and I have a broken spine and numerous other injuries. If you don't have your own garden, pot plants, window boxes, local community garden or nature reserve volunteering, allotments or a garden share are all possibilities. People sometimes advertise to share their garden with someone who will help to maintain it. 
81. Make an effort to make up if you fall out with someone, at least make an effort or say sorry if you feel able. It may be that the other person doesn't feel able to reciprocate, but at least you tried. Leave it a while after the fallout and try. There are exceptions, in serious fall outs and if someone has harmed you, or if you feel that there is nothing between you and them worth repairing, if that's the case, remember any good moments and move on and leave them behind, don't leave it as a nagging pain.
82. Write, if you can, write a diary, write a story, a book, a newspaper article or letter to the editor. Write a blog about life or your favourite topics.Writing brings things to life. 
83. Hopefully you have already got this from the theme - be yourself and be independent and not swung by society or popular opinion, don't be chained by others' beliefs or the press and media, live and be free and never mind if small people want to criticise you, so what if you don't have the latest phone or TV, if that is what someone judges you on, you don't need them. 
84. If you are out of work and seeking work, make looking for work your job. Get up on time, don't stay in bed, wash, brush your teeth, dress smart casually and print your CV and covering letter, go round businesses and shops, asking if they have vacancies, go on job websites and post your CV and covering letter, use an online CV writing tool to smarten up your CV. Put distractions such as social media and alcohol aside. Even practice being at work by using Swagbucks or Mechanical Turk to carry out small tasks. If you have a skill and cannot find a job, registering as self-employed is not a bad option and you can add all kinds of work to your self-employment, not just your main skill. 
85. Never steal. It's not worth it.
86. Never cheat. It's not worth it. 
87. There is always a way forward, it's just that sometimes it is zigzag rather than straightforward, and sometimes the way is hard and takes a long time. Keep going.
88. Keep hydrated. People who don't drink for hours on end are not doing themselves a lot of good. It is true that too much caffeine is not good for you, so don't drink coffee every hour, but do drink something. I drink sugar-free fruit sparkling water all day as well as tea.
89. Eat regular meals, keep your blood sugar balanced otherwise you can end up feeling awful without knowing why.
90. Art, Architecture, History and Music are not just for older people, anyone can benefit from learning more, and it really helps with quizzes if you do.
91. Do quizzes, both quiz events and on paper or online, do puzzles, jigsaws or crosswords, it helps your brain to be agile. Play board games, it isn't old fashioned, it is timeless brain food. 
92. Don't buy a car or computer privately alone if you don't have experience or someone experienced to advise you. Take it from someone who learned the hard way!
93. Prepare in advance. Don't do your sermon on Saturday night. Put breakfast things ready the night before, put things by the door for when you go out later, put the laundry basket by the stairs.
94. Go for a walk some evenings, it is a great way to see the world and see people.
95. Read. There is a limitless universe in books, books can take you anywhere you want. And you can take a book most places too, medical waiting rooms, laundries, minding the kids at the park, journeys, the bath, bed. 
96. Listen to people. It is so easy to talk and harder to remember to let others talk while we listen. 
97. Believe in yourself. 
98. Don't let pain, sadness and grief control you, but feel them when you need to, don't cut them off. 
99. Have a fist aid kit and keep it up to date, get first aid training. 
100. Go carol singing or to a parade or carnival, take part or help out, it is a very special experience.
101. Keep treasures and holiday articles, shells, ornaments, memories. 
102. Be on a blood or bone marrow donor list if your health and state allows.
103. AI is good or bad depending how you use it. Find good ways to use it, don't let it rule you and remember it can be wrong, it's not human and doesn't have to take its own advice.