Limerick, your arms are still holding me - 9 month Anniversary

It's been a busy time. Last time I wrote I had the joy and honour of helping with Darkness into Light Limerick 2025. It was a great day and went back to back with another role I do, where I go picking litter.

There are many people in the world who would scoff at picking litter, why would anyone choose to do it? Isn't it a punishment for people doing community service? 

No, it's a wonderful thing to do, picking up rubbish that people have discarded, notably around benches and walls and in flower beds and hedges where people throw rubbish. When I worked with Tidy Towns in Dublin, we would pick litter by a pub with a roof terrace and the amount of intact beer glasses and alcohol bottles fished out of the hedge intact was stunning. 

The kind of people who choose to get up early on a weekend and pick litter are some of the best company in the world, they truly are, salt of the earth. If you're feeling unhappy with your social circle, come litter picking. As an autistic person, I will always be a quiet person, will always struggle to communicate in social situations, but what helps me is attending a volunteer event where everyone has such good in their hearts that they choose to be there and to do good, not for praise or acclaim but because they care, because they are motivated, because they are kind. I feel safe with such people and more able to relax and talk.

One of the best things you can do for your mental health is go volunteering, and sometimes the best time to do that is when you feel least like doing that. I felt bad and didn't want to get up in the morning, but I'm very glad I did. I'm glad I did something useful and met with good people, it helps me to recover from my recent bad experience. 

Don't worry, we don't abandon the bags there.

The wonderful 'Serve the City' team who I litter pick with, who also run services such as soup kitchens and language exchange for migrants who want to improve their English. Serve the City were some of the first people I met when I came to Limerick, and meeting them gave me hope of a future here. 

It's been a difficult two weeks for me since I was violently attacked by addicts in town and put in hospital, on a Saturday of all days, my favourite day to be in Limerick and be around the people who I admire so much because they looked after me so well when I was homeless. Two weeks of pain and anxiety and depression and my landscape changing. I'm still suffering pain because it hit my disabilities and old injuries hard, and I wasn't feeling too well today but I got out of bed and went litterpicking willingly, looked forward to it and was happy, after two weeks of struggling to get up and function. I am getting back to normal.

Thursday this past week was a great day for me, as I passed my First Aid Responder course well and I'd enjoyed the course a lot. I actually turned up with concussion after being attacked as it's an intensive course and we were told not to miss a single session. My horrified instructor told me I could only audit the practicals that week, which was better than missing out, and in the end my practical exam seemed to come out perfect, so I was delighted. I'm so happy. First Aid is a vital skill and due to my circumstances I've waited years to re-qualify. 

Let me tell you the story of how I first met the litterpicking team. I'm a community volunteer but they are not on the community volunteering list. I arrived in Limerick 9 months ago, shocked, hypothermic and soaked by the rain, and covered in ECG pads from a heart scare caused by the circumstances which left me homeless on the streets of Limerick when I'd been expecting to come to a tenancy and a bright future.

It was Friday September 13th, in the evening, and I was obviously not okay when I was first on the streets of Limerick, and from the moment I arrived, people showed care and concern for me, they looked after me, and that saved me, and eventually, as the support was unwavering and strong, I was able to start rebuilding my life. 

It was Saturday September 14th, 9 months ago today, that after no sleep overnight on the streets of Limerick, I walked down to Arthurs Quay, having dried out naturally and calmed down because the people who kept me company overnight were so funny and cheered me up, at Arthurs Quay I stumbled across a group who were litter picking and I wondered if it was Tidy Towns, who I'd worked with in Dublin, but no, I'd never heard of the group but they were friendly and inclusive and had sweets and coffee afterwards, so I took a liking to them. It was a hopeful turn to events and just in that short time, I realised I could have a future in Limerick, just that it would be different to the one I'd been led to expect. 

Today I was honoured to be with this same team, different location, lovely people, to litter pick again. It makes me so happy, I can't fully explain why, but it makes me so happy. I didn't join them for coffee, as I said, I'm still suffering the after effects of being seriously injured and I said goodbye as the group went for coffee, and walked down to the church, my Limerick on a Saturday was to be reduced to just the litterpicking and my routine prayers at church, and then I headed home to rest.

The good in Limerick outweighs the bad. An honour and a pleasure to work with these people. 

As I walked down to the church, there was no sign of the huge ugly brewing trouble that played a part in the attack on me two weeks ago. Maybe I didn't see anything, maybe I didn't want to, or maybe because the Gardai and others are fully aware of what's been going on, something is being done, good on them if so. It was my Limerick on a Saturday again as I briefly popped in to do my prayers and walked back up to the bus, if I'd been feeling better, I would have stayed around, but I got groceries delivered, I'm not in a library mood and I still need to adjust after what happened, I'm not comfortable sitting or stopping in town yet. 

I get the bus to the end of the route where my bike waits for me. It was a funny day for people asking me for all sorts of directions to place and asking when buses were, maybe because I kept my hi-viz vest on, I wear it when I bike to and from the bus and we wear them for litter picking as well, so people must have thought I was someone and they were asking me a range of questions and directions from easy to impossible and I did my best. Ballybunnion and The Crescent Shopping Centre are okay, but don't throw anything more complex at me. Yikes, I think the last one, no matter where I tried to direct them, they'd still end up in the wrong place. 

I knew as I walked through town that my Limerick hasn't gone just because some irrational and violent people attacked me.  The good people are still here and the Spirit of Limerick is stronger than the current troubles. Your arms are still holding me, and my arms are holding you. 

The Limerick Love Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdjRmM0Q0qs

Darkness into Light

Darkness into Light, Limerick 2025. The sun rises behind TUS Moylish Campus now that the walkers are back and everyone is enjoying breakfast. 

I had the great pleasure and honour of being a safety volunteer for Darkness into Light, 2025 after walking in Dublin last year.

I am very lucky that Pieta House. Limerick, is within biking distance of home, and so last week I biked over after college and met the team. I've been in Limerick 8 months, I've not long come out of street homelessness, and this is my first official community role since leaving homelessness. 

Pieta House play a vital role in suicide prevention and support of those affected by suicide, they provide safe and accessible intervention for people feeling suicidal and support for those affected by suicide. I admire them greatly. When I was at college a few years ago, a team came to the college to talk to us about Pieta House and the services offered, and I think it's amazing that they go into college and universities to ensure that students are aware of their services, students can be a vulnerable group to suicide. The Darkness into Light walk raises vital funds for Pieta House while bringing hope to people affected by suicide. Here's a link to their website:

https://www.pieta.ie/

I biked to Mungret to meet the team on Tuesday, nice people, a nice simple meeting, and I was heading home again before long. I decided that biking to the start point for 3 am on Saturday morning would be too much, so I booked a taxi, and because of past taxi experiences, I booked for it to arrive at 2 am.

I was up at 1 am, having gone to bed early. The taxi was early, and I was at the start point for 2.30. We went round putting up signs and banners, and then volunteers were gathering and a group of us went with a security man to the car park and route from the car park.

I ended up on the front line of car parking, which worked well for me, the security man was keeping traffic and pedestrians separate where the road and footpath met, and he was really clear with instructions which was good, and there were no incidents as people parked and gathered. 

There was just one awkward person, who decided he'd force me out of the position I needed to be in in order to direct traffic, he was driving a huge Dublin registered Chelsea Tractor and trying to fit his car into a space too small for his vehicle. He was really rude, and as he squeezed his car into the space, the couple sitting in the car next to his, got out, checked the tiny space between his car and theirs and said to him 'There's not much room there', he ignored them and me, blew cigarette smoke over us all and stalked off. the couple started their car and re-parked it. 

Mayor John Moran parked, and his dog Henri was barking at my arm signals as I directed traffic, I said 'Shh, Henri, it's too early'. It was 4 am and still dark. 

When traffic was all done, I went to the main gathering area and followed the walkers down to the road. A lady with two gorgeous dogs got me to take some photos for her at the doggie start of the the walk. Then I walked up to the road. 

There was a lone female Garda doing the traffic duty on the roundabout, while a Garda van followed the walkers. I stayed there and directed stragglers.

I was there to cheer the runners and walkers back in, and most were nice, one woman was rude to me, no known reason, but people are like that. 1800 walkers and only two people not in the mood for manners. 

When John Moran and his cohort arrived back, towards the end of the walkers, instead of congratulating the Mayor, I congratulated his dog, and they all laughed. 

Then as the glorious sun rose, there was a nice breakfast, sandwiches, pastries and tea and coffee. It was a great atmosphere and I was honoured to be there. 

I walked back into town with my headphones on, very happy. I forget that I'm disabled, and marshal duties are physical. I had thankfully packed a folding walking stick in my bag and when I started struggling, I leaned on that and staggered into town at about 7 am, exhausted and in pain.

I went into church to put my prayers in the basket as usual, got a cup of tea and a copy of the Post, and sat on the wall, feeling as if I'd never get up again...until the leader of another community volunteering project I belong to, came along and asked if I was litter picking, and I said yes, hauled myself up and dragged myself litter picking with the others. 

We had a great morning, the weather was fantastic, and we went for coffee afterwards, it was a great time, but I was absolutely wrecked at the end. I did my library tasks and got some shopping, went home and collapsed for the rest of the weekend. What a fantastic experience! 

Never forget where it all began, 8 months ago, and now here I am, fully registered and belonging. Limerick 10/05/2025

St Patrick's Day 2025

Due to circumstances, this has taken more than a month to produce. Reasons to live include days like this.

 It was my first St. Patrick's Day in Limerick, and what a day it was! 

I am still street homeless but that didn't stop me from having an awesome day. 

I was up early, unsure what the buses would be like. I was at Raheen and I wanted to be in town early, we were starting at 9.30 but I left plenty of time. I had breakfast and sorted myself out, waited a while for the bus, and one arrived at 8 am. 

In town I walked around and had some tea, waited at the train station. Used the toilet a number of times and had more tea. I was so nervous, terrified in fact, could I really do this? Could I be in the Limerick St. Patrick's Day parade? 

I didn't know the others well. I walked round, and was made welcome, tea and good biscuits and craic, and then we walked down to Sarsfield Barracks where we'd start from. We had fun, we sang 'Limerick you're my lady'. We had a long wait in the wind up there, right up near Punches Cross, so some of us went to the shop. I had an Irish flag with a balloon, the balloon burst in the shop and gave everyone a heart attack.

Then, speaking of heart attacks, someone had a heart attack, not in our group but some distance down towards town, so an ambulance came screaming through, and the parade was delayed by 40 minutes. 

Eventually we set off, stopping and starting as we did. We were behind the wonderful street theatre performers and enjoyed their act as we marched.

It was a fantastic day, the crowds were huge, I didn't recognise the the streets, behind barriers and with the huge crowds, everyone cheering and waving. It was amazing. I only really knew where we were when we got to Henry Street Garda Station, and walked down Henry Street, past the Stands and onto Arthur's Quay. 

These were my signs, the last one I held up every time the boss wasn't looking, and after the parade as I sat and drank my tea, and do you know what? After years of searching, I finally found the Irish sense of humour through that sign: 

 

I had been worried about my ability to walk the whole route without a stick, but I did it. No problem, we crossed the bridge and ended up near Merchant's Quay. 

The crowds were huge, groups were still marching, I found my way back through the crowds to a toilet and then some tea and then coffee with a friend, and so on, it was a fantastic day, not crazy like Dublin, bigger than Longford and Wexford by a long way, a real party atmosphere without everything being swamped, it was easy to get tea and toilets after the parade, which is what mattered to me at the time.

When you suffer trauma

 

King John's Castle and Thomond Bridge, Limerick.

When you suffer trauma, everything can replay in your head over and over, and at the same time you can have feelings of self-blame, worthlessness, badness, I find I'm worse when I have a relapse in the physical illness. 

It is normal to have days of emotion and sadness with trauma, tough but normal, and the best thing to do is rest, look after yourself, try to do something practical or read, listen to music, survive. 

Remember, you are not to blame for everything you've experienced which has hurt you in life, you are not to blame for other people hurting you, and reactions are reactions, be kind to yourself.

I take a vitamin and iron supplement, I find it helps my mood, and if I'm very down, I take some extra vitamin B, not vitamin C or D, vitamin B.

Grit your teeth, survive. Live. You are alive, as REM sings. There is so much hope and potential. It may not seem that way, but get creative and find the hope and potential. 

I'm better than I was yesterday but not up to telling stories about County Clare, so I'll leave it at that, as I struggle with feelings and emotions today, I'll say to you, be kind to yourself and understand that on bad days it is is easy to try to take the blame for the whole world and their crass opinions, but think of the good in you, and most people do have good. I am clean and tidy, honest and quiet and occasionally friendly and gentle.

love, 

A 

Limerick on a Saturday

I am neglecting 'The Road to Shannon' to write on this blog again, tut. And in case you're not indoctrinated, it's not because The Road to Shannon is paved with good intentions, it never was. I just prefer 198 to Shannon now. 

I've not been well. Quite a bad relapse. I have a metabolic or autoimmune condition which relapses and remits, it can hit hard and I am usually in relapse well before I realise it. The condition presents with aches and pains, tiredness not relieved by rest, increased difficulty walking, muscle fatigue and sudden muscle failure, depression, flashbacks, nightmares and disturbed sleep or trouble sleeping at all. 

Relapse isn't surprising as I've been out it very cold and wet conditions all week. It's been an endurance. And it's not just me, a rough sleeper friend who has been homeless most of his life was saying to me he's absolutely sick of this homeless life and the relentless weather.

I did wonder if I've also picked up a cold or virus and the cheap place I stayed recently had someone coughing and sneezing everywhere as well as slamming doors and shouting into their phone all night. I haven't felt well at all. 

I had a bad night and was having bad dreams about the man who left me homeless in Limerick. I went into town in a miserable mood, tired and aching. And then there I was in Limerick and the world became magical again.

As soon as I was in Limerick, people who I knew were around, there were hugs and chats and fist bumps and handshakes and laughter. My mood lifted straight away. I went to church as usual for my Saturday prayer, and sat on my wall as usual. I enjoyed the hustle and bustle of town on a Saturday and I said 'Limerick, I love you'. Limerick whispered back 'My arms are holding you'. As always, every day I'm in Limerick, the Limerick Love Song is in my head. 

Someone who went past told me they'd bring me food, so I waited, and my friend came and sat with me, he wanted to go for coffee but I told him someone was bringing me lunch, so he came back later and we went to a new coffee place, good prices and good coffee, so that was nice. Last week I told him about the man who left me on the streets, and he said 'That's not a friend, this is what friends do, we have coffee, we chat, we relate to each other'. 

Getting out and talking to people is important, especially when you're feeling bad and want to hide away, it can change things. I have had a lovely day in town. Life is tough but good people make it more bearable. Saturday is the best day to be in Limerick, everyone's around.

My arm is being twisted to tell the Clarecastle Mass story, someone in Shannon is going bright red at the thought while she is in Vigil Mass. Go on then.

So in Clarecastle, Mass is the third sport after Hurling and Hurling Missiles. Paddy is a well-known figure in Clarecastle, the missiles miraculously avoid Paddy, everyone loves him, Paddy, he likes his pint, he's a man. 

Paddy is always at Mass 10 minutes early and he has his seat at the front, no one else will take Paddy's seat, it's a small community and everyone knows their place. 

Paddy never misses Mass and is always in his seat. But one Saturday night, one drink turns into another and one story turns into another, and before Paddy knows it, it's morning. He's far from the first to go from drinking to Mass, Philip and the lads used to do this, but poor Paddy, he's taking it slowly down to the church, he's a little weary. 

Paddy is late for Mass! He goes in, his seat is empty, waiting for him. Mass has started but it's only in the first few minutes. Paddy walks up the aisle. He walks to the front. The priest is speaking. 

Paddy goes up, he says to the priest 'Look father, I'm late, you're just going to have to start again from the beginning',

The priest starts the Mass again from the beginning. 

Thanks for being good sports, Clarecastle. I'll do Ennis next.

+++++

When you feel at your worst, don't hide away, go and be among people a bit, even Angela did in The Limerick Love Story: 

Angela looked out into the dark, snow was falling lightly. 4 am. She dressed and headed out quietly, walking down the hill into town. Standing on O'Connell, she gazed at the Christmas lights as she did every day, with the wonder of a young child. She loved the silver teardrops, the coloured tree lights, and the Christmas trees. She watched the snow fall gently through the lights 'Beautiful'. She gathered snow off the low walls and benches to build a small snowman.

The Garda truck was taking it easy in its journey along O'Connell and slowed even more to see a woman building a snowman at 5.30 in the morning. Angela looked up and waved at the watching Gardai. The driver raised his finger and they moved on, deciding she was harmless enough. 'I have to get away from the nightmares' she told the retreating back of the Garda truck, but no one heard her. After a while she went into the gossip cafe and got a tea to take with her to her doorway. 

----

Michael was drained but relaxed from making love to Graeme as he walked through town to work with his coffee, enjoying the pre-Christmas atmosphere and lights. He tutted at Angela sitting on the step in the cold. 'You have a warm bed and breakfast and you've had a chest infection, Angela'. He shivered and pulled his wool coat round him, cold just to look at her in her cloth jacket. 

She sighed 'I have to get away from the nightmares, the bad feeling sometimes' .

Michael nodded 'I'll come and talk to you at lunchtime if you're around. I do understand what you're telling me. Try not to sit too long in the cold or bite too many legs'. 

----

At 12.15 Michael arrived with tea and coffee and a bundle. He handed Angela her tea and sat beside her. 'Drink your tea' he told her when she looked at the parcel he had with him.  She drank some tea, he opened the parcel. 'This is called a coat, it's designed to keep you warm'. 

'Ha'. 

'If you wear your coat, you get your treat, if not, you don't'. 

He could see she was interested but she wasn't going to ask what the treat was. Eventually she held out her hands for the coat, and he gently helped her to put it on, she didn't object. She made a lot of interesting faces and muttered her thanks. 

'Good girl, now gather your things and we'll go to your treat'.

'Where?' 

'I've finished work for the day, I only had a board meeting. We're going home to Graeme for the rest of the day to chill out and relax, have some fun and food'. He saw Angela smiling and he knew she was happy with the arrangement. They drove through the light snow, the snow wasn't impeding driving and didn't make great headway in settling, but enough to delight the children who were already getting hyped up for Christmas, Michael felt sorry for the parents, but remembered he'd have all that to look forward to. 

Angela's O'Connell Street in the snow. 

My Arms Are Holding You

Here I am in Castletroy, Limerick, one of my favourite places although not as favourite as Raheen and Dooradoyle or Ennis Road perhaps, or maybe Castletroy is my favourite now. I'm enjoying the view and the music and some good tea, I'm listening to the 198 theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sklYzudgOPU

Remember, 198 is a state of mind, a state of hope. We don't know the future and it may not be as we imagine, but while there's life, there's hope, we can look for ways forward. Sometimes it's hard to see how things can be better, things can feel so bitter, so unjust, unfair. Sometimes things happen which will never go away, and those things become scars, they can change our course and we are slightly different with each scar. 

On Saturday I joined a number of people supporting a protest of the family of a journalism student, Joe Drennan, who was killed within sight of where I am right now. Joe was killed by an unlicenced uninsured drug driver who was on bail for other offences. Sentencing in Ireland can be woefully inadequate, and he got off lightly and with his sentence for Joe's death running concurrently with his sentences for other offences and the others sentences earned him two and a half years more than his sentencing for killing Joe, despite the fact that he stopped at the scene to wipe his car off, and left Joe for dead. It is hard to imagine how bad things are for Joe' family, he will never come back, but they are fighting for his killer to get a proper jail sentence. In Ireland, and I guess other places, you have to really fight for things. As I write this, the DPP, who were hostile, have agreed to an appeal on the sentence. I am happy to hear this but it won't bring Joe back. I hope his family don't mind posting this, I admire them for their fight for justice and their unwavering courage in speaking publicly about the tragedy. 

A lot has happened since Christmas, and while I've been on other writing projects, I haven't updated this blog. I have had two very terrible incidents occur in my life here, and also a lot has been going on in my country of citizenship which has an impact on me. Eventually I will have to return there to seek justice for the terrible things I've survived, and things are moving towards that now, things are changing for the better. or do I mean better, was being in limbo better because it didn't hurt so much?

Well. After telling you what a lovely Christmas that was, a sad and terrible incident occured and as a result I was in Limerick city centre on New Year's Eve in the pouring rain, with 2025 not starting as hoped, but let's see what good I can bring out of this unexpected turn of events. Although that happened, and then another terrible incident since, I am okay, I am strengthened by the good people in my life and my faith, and at no point have I let thoughts of self-harm enter my life, because I understand that bad things happen in life, and things won't stay so bad forever. Some things won't go away, but the intensity of crisis does lessen, things change, we adapt or we force change when there's injustice. 

In the meantime, lets talk books. I started reading self help books as a teenager, trying to understand why I couldn't speak or relate to people.

I couldn't cope with counselling as a teenager when I left my family as I couldn't speak normally and the counsellor was a bit of a perv, you do not need the rest of that story, I promise you, not at the moment anyway, so at the time I got myself a book called 'Be your own Counsellor'. My first self help book. I'm sorry to say I can't remember the author's name, but I found it helpful and it started my understanding of the concept of self-reliance. I am naturally self- reliant due to having attachment disorder as a result of neglect as a child but have had a tendency, as many vulnerable people do, to struggle with life and to let other people take over, usually unsuitable people who add to the damage.

I got hooked on the self-help bug, and I got tapes as well as books, my two main authors at first were Susan Jeffers and Louise L. Hay. 

As life moved on, I discovered Tony Robbins and others, and continued to work my way through a minefield of self help books and tapes telling me how to live, as well as affirmation tapes. I think it was a good thing, however confusing it may have become, because I'd missed out on a childhood of normal instruction on how to live and behave, and now I was learning quite cutting edge techniques on how to live and behave, and I think it saved me and helped me to go on functioning through everything. 

I still think self-help books are great, I make a pile of them and sit on them to watch television. Joking aside, if you're stuck for inspiration and a way forward, there are many books in the library and bookshops on many helpful topics. 

At the moment I'm back into non-fiction, going mad for good murder mysteries. I'm reading like I'm demented and getting through a lot of books.

I'm a writer, as I've probably mentioned, and I currently have two main works 'The Road to Shannon' and 'The Limerick Love Story'. The Limerick Love Story is about an eccentric homeless woman who was befriended by a well-to-do gay couple. I started writing this on the streets of Limerick in October last year and fell in love with the book itself while also falling in love with Limerick, it has been my favourite manuscript so far. Writing is a magical thing, like music, it can help express your emotions and feelings, anger and sorrow, grief, confusion, it can help you through. 

Sometimes good can come from bad, sometimes we have to find someone or something to hold onto. When I was left on the streets of Limerick by that @@@@, I held onto God, as it says in the words of the Limerick Love Song 'My Arms are Holding You'. I'm still holding onto God. You may not believe in God, but hopefully you can find someone, something to hold onto. 

I have to boast about my manuscript, so I'll give you snippet, which shows why it's the Limerick Love Story, because it's not just about the characters, but about the city and county as well:

'Now she can look up all those things that puzzle her like 'What is orange?', 'Why are people?' and 'Is the moon?'. Graeme saw them to the door 'See you soon Ange, text anytime'. 

As they drove, Angela asked about the rivers. 'The one behind us is the Groody' Michael told her 'The one at the top of Annacotty is called the Mulkear, the Salmon River, one of the best in Ireland for Salmon and trout, which rises in the Silvermines and flows into the Shannon and then the Shannon runs behind the university'.  He glanced at her, almost seeing a map being written in her mind, she loved to know more about places, and he'd heard her and Graeme swapping Pig Buyer stories as if she was a native of King's Island. Where she'd learned the Pig Buyer stories was a mystery, the girl was keeping bad company somewhere. 

'Do you know where the Silvermines are, Angela?' 

Angela hummed 'Any Tipperary Town' for him. 

'The Groody rises in County Limerick, it isn't a very big or long river, and it flows into the Shannon as well. the two rivers meet the Shannon either side of Plassey, where the university is'. 

'Groody'. Angela giggled 'It sounds like a mean old man in a children's book'. 

Michael smiled 'So it does. The Shannon is your favourite, for baptising Dassin when he pesters you'.

'He's got religion now, I threw a Bible at him as well'. 

Now, so do you think you'll be okay back at the bed and breakfast now?' 

Angela glanced at the iPad in her arms and nodded. 

Michael laughed 'Silly question, you're embracing your old friend there and can't wait for the two of you to be alone together. Try to get some sleep though, but enjoy some tea, duvet and iPad first, and we'll be up for you on Christmas Eve but you and Graeme will be texting away no doubt'. 

__

The Groody and flood plain from Dublin Road, looking towards Plassey and the Clare and Tipperary Hills in the rain.

The Salmon Leap on the Mulkear at Annacotty. 

The time between Christmas and New Year

 27/12/24

It's a good time and a bad time. I'm autistic and suddenly there's no routine, so I have restless sleep, nightmares and flashbacks. But I like the peace and quiet and the potential writing time, although I'm spending too much of it not writing.

Last night I wasn't sleeping, so this morning I was asleep on the sofa, not writing. 

I had a fantastic and very simple Christmas, mainly doing a jigsaw puzzle and watching films, which was all I wanted. I also enjoyed Mass and Christmas Dinner. I had no alcohol and very little by way of goodies, but enough to keep me content. I don't need much for Christmas, just having a roof over my head, warmth, food and tea, made it very special. I enjoyed a good walk on Christmas Day and so many people were out, there were loads of people to exchange greetings with. 

30/12/24

I didn't sleep well last night, again the lack of normal routine got to me a bit, I was having flashbacks about the man who left me on the streets of Limerick and then I was having bad dreams about him. It hurts me eternally that he illegally intercepted and accessed my medical and personal information and then tried to make me out to be nuts after leaving me homeless.

So I'm tired today but today we are almost back to normal, with the usual long day in Limerick, we got to Limerick in the dark with the Christmas lights still shining, and this normality really helped me. I stood on Sarsfield Bridge and looked at the Strand Apartments, which were in total darkness against a brooding heavy sky, amazing.

My Screensaver. Strand against storm clouds.

My next part of the routine was a bit spoiled when I got to the church and found it closed. Christmas does change things, the church usually opens early, long before 8.30 Mass, and today there is no 8.30 Mass. So I went to Arthurs Quay and did my recycling, went to the toilet, and walked down the Quay to look at the Shannon. It's good to be in Limerick again. It is different today, so quiet, especially after the pre-Christmas traffic. It felt so funny, so alien, walking up towards the station and the road so quiet, everything empty and rain-washed, the morning light against the Christmas lights.

It's a strange time. Christmas week. It can be depressing for some, and it's best to keep occupied in any way you can, jigsaw puzzles, housework, children, writing and so on.

I got two excellent books for Christmas, the Writers and Artists Yearbook 2025 and a book called 'The Organised Writer' and I've been reading 'The Organised Writer' as I needed to get my writing projects in order, and it's really helping. I have also been reading a novel called 'Call me Star Girl' which is a bit dark but interesting. I did my jigsaw puzzle and I've been watching films, but I'm still struggling a bit, mainly with trauma to do with the man who left me on the streets of Limerick and the matters surrounding that, and it triggers deeper traumas, so if you're finding things hard at this time of year, you're not alone, and remember, there are crisis hotlines, there are people a phone call away.

Don't suffer in silence. I talked to my friend as we drove into Limerick this morning, and that helped me, and then I've been into the church and talked to God. Keep communicating, this is what helps, and I'm still learning this, as an autistic and traumatised person, I'm still learning that I must reach out. My official supports don't kick in again until next week, and I think despite the bad patches, I've done very well and am doing well, it has been one of my happiest and most peaceful Christmases. 

So here I am, in the ubiquitous coffee shop on O'Connell Street in Limerick, the one where the men talk and talk, and it's another thing about today, the talking men are not here, but I'm glad to have some relative normality. Tomorrow I also have some normality as I go ahead with necessary arrangements for my life, and then we go back into holiday mode until Friday, and after that, well, Christmas is over. 

I hope you're doing well. Don't be alone, well, not too much. I need alone time in large chunks but I can get worse with depression and trauma when I'm alone, so I reach out, and then if I spend too much time with others, I get anxious and stressed, this is why a conventional job is hard for me, why self employment with short shifts for a variety of people is looking to be my best option.

Anyway, Happy New Year, or Peaceful New Year, whichever you'd like to take. Seek company and help if you're struggling, but find a balance, a healthy balance of time alone and time with people, it can be hard to do this in the Christmas week but it's a good idea. Get out of stressful or toxic or alcoholic social situations for your own sake, but don't fester alone.

I'll leave you with the 198 Theme Tune as I'm listening to it now, it is beautiful and life can be beautiful. Limerick is beautiful, if you don't know Limerick, come and visit. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sklYzudgOPU&list=RDsklYzudgOPU&start_radio=1