Platitudes

 Good afternoon.

I was writing a post earlier but blogger deleted it, then the handyman arrived to measure up and I was in pyjamas and the houswork wasn't done.

Then there was another post and it's not finished. So I'm just going to write this one.

Vulnerable and disabled people do suffer a lot of being misunderstood and treated unfairly and as if we aren't valid. And when we stand up for ourselves, get angry, sometimes that makes people's attitude to us even worse. Take heart, it's not just you, people can be shitty. But platitudes can be the worst when you're struggling, the glib fake-wise repeated stuff that people come out with because they think it will solve you.

• This one is a favourite of the church 'God will never send you more than you can handle'. So are they saying it's your own fault you can't handle what is sent? Or are they suggesting that God is up there calculating what you can handle and then throwing troubles at you? Don't you believe it, God isn't that petty, bad things happen to good people and you shouldn't feel guilty for not being able to handle crisis.
• People make their own happiness - really? None of us are beset with disasters we had no control over and none of us suffer pain and loss, we can just make our own lives as we please? That wretched platitude was said to me by a millionaire who had never known hardship, at a time where I was homeless and suffering. Yes mate. 
• What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Nope, I have survived a lifetime of suffering and trauma, trauma leaves you with weaknesses. You may have found the strength and courage to get through, you may be gritting your teeth at tough times but there's nothing helpful in someone saying that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So tell them to walk a mile in your shoes, post the shoes back and stay a mile away.
• There's a lesson in every trial we endure. Yes, the lesson is not to listen to idiots when we are in crisis or suffering.

That's as much as I'm saying for now. Just trust yourself, no one knows you better than you, and other people who don't understand what it is like to be you and have your life do not always know better than you. Stand up for yourself, but try to do it calmly, my experience is that anger makes things worse. I'm still learning. 

Remember that what other people say is not necessarily true. We are human and have a habit of swallowing what we're told, especially if it is a popular saying and often bandied around, it doesn't mean it's true or that it's true for you! You know you best, and the strongest thing you can do for yourself is back yourself and believe in yourself no matter what other people say or do. Not always easy, believe me I know. But you back you and do whatever you can to help yourself and never mind other people being glib or criticizing you.

Here are my 'Platitudes' for you. 'Choose Life', 'Life is limitless, there is always more' and 'Back yourself'. 

You can be your own best friend, best resource and guiding light, you can find ways forward, sometimes that means going through the pain of letting go of people or places, but don't let go of life, it may not be easy, but there are ways forward. I say this as someone who chose life and to find out what life can offer, when I will always suffer from what I've been through. And the health services can be frustratingly useless with trauma survivors, but life is well worth living.